There is always one member of every party that everyone seems to forget about. You may love to dance with it, play with it, and even cuddle with it at the end of the night, but you never remember it in your recollections of the weekend. What is that thing? It’s the dog, and it’s a good thing that Fido can’t speak because the dog remembers everything. Here is your night that you love to remember, as told by your fuzzy friend.
7:00 p.m. This thing that the humans keep calling a “pregame” is great. I wonder what game they’re going to. Instead of the four humans that I live with, there are almost 20 humans here that love to pet and feed me. Everyone greets me as they walk in, talking about how cute I am and how much they wished they had one of me at their apartment. But, these mean humans called “landlords” don’t want them to, so looks like they have to settle for coming over to hang out with me. Fine by me.
8:00 p.m. Okay, now that all the humans have arrived, they are bringing out bottles and putting them on the table. Cups, too. When they open the bottles, it smells like the stuff that girl humans use to take off the colors on their nails. I don’t quite understand why anyone would want to ingest that into their body, but maybe the humans think it tastes good. We have different tastes. I know they don’t think that my food tastes good, even though they sometimes pretend to eat it in order to get me interested in it.
8:05 p.m. The music starts to get louder. I sometimes get confused by all the noises from the music and people talking and start to ask if they can turn it down, but my human just comes over and pets me and tells me everything is fine. I believe him because I love him.
8:30 p.m. First spill. I am so proud of my human that it was not him who spilled. My human is smart, even when he drinks that stuff that smells bad. Well, kind of smart. The girl that spilled the drink calls me over. I go to her and wag my tail so that she pets me, but instead, she asks if I want to drink the puddle on the floor. I look down at it, then back at her, and think, why not try it?
8:31 p.m. Nope, nope, nope. I’d prefer if you’d drop a piece of chicken next time.
9:00 p.m. All of the humans keep yelling something about this place called “Summit.” I wonder if they sell good food there.
9:02 p.m. Must stop thinking about food. Must make sure my human stays safe because sometimes when he drinks that stuff that smells bad he does stupid things and ends up in a lot of pain the next day.
9:30 p.m. Oh, no. Kathy just showed up. We don’t like her. I hear my human’s roommates complain about her all the time. She’s nice enough to me, but if she isn’t nice to my human like his roommate’s say, then I don’t like her. She seems really happy when she arrives. Oh, the bottle of stuff she is holding is half empty, that’s probably why.
9:35 p.m. I really don’t like Kathy when she drinks that stuff. Her voice gets so high pitched that it sounds like a dog whistle. She keeps hanging on my human like she might fall over if she doesn’t have him next to her. Maybe I should see if that will happen.
9:37 p.m. I go up to my human and give him my “I gotta go NOW” look.
9:40 p.m. My human took me outside and back in. Kathy still stands.
10:00 p.m. All of the humans are playing this game where they drink whatever is in their cup really quickly and then try to flip it over when they’re done. Everyone yells at the person whose turn it is and a lot of them use expressions that I don’t hear very often, but I am sure they are inappropriate. The final human flips his cup and his side of the table jumps up and down in happiness, kind of like me when I get to go for a walk.
10:05 p.m. Uh oh, this girl just had to drink a full cup of whatever was in the middle of the table. I think she might throw up, she looks kind of like my human when he wakes up on Sunday mornings.
10:07 p.m. Nope, it passed.
10:30 p.m. Everyone seems to be getting ready to leave. Kathy nearly trips over me on her way to get her bag (which didn’t have any treats in it, I might add). She leans down and gets really close to my face.
“Who’s a good boy? I’ll miss you so much when we’re downtown, but don’t worry, we’ll be back so soon you won’t even know we’re gone.”
Don’t worry Kathy, I am not too torn up that you’re leaving. My human, on the other hand, I will miss, and I will be so excited when he comes back.
11:00 p.m. It is so nice and quiet now, but I really miss my human.
1:45 a.m. The door opens, and the lights go on. I leap up from my bed in front of the fireplace and run circles around my human. He is back! He bends down and scratches my ears. Oh no, I hear a voice from down the hallway. A high-pitched, shrill voice. It can’t be. I briefly consider charging down the hallway and telling her to leave, but I know she will make my human happy, so I greet her with kisses when she arrives. My human whispers to me to not tell his friends.
2:00 a.m. Ugh. I get locked out of my human’s room and Kathy gets to take my spot. I think it’s safe to say that they can expect a pile of presents outside of their door in the morning. I love you, human, but when you drink the stuff that smells bad, it makes you do some stupid things. After all, you know what they say: dogs know best.