When us 90s babies are having children, let’s say in the late 2020s, the world will be completely different. Not Jonas Brothers “Year 3000” different, but there’s a chance we’ll be just as clueless as to how the new generation works as we think our parents are. But, like our parents, we’ll bring our generation’s knowledge into our parenting. I imagine the questions all of us will ask ourselves the most during parenting is, “Isn’t there an app to make this easier?” And maybe there will be. But this is what a 90s baby will look like as a mother:
Infancy
While we’re still pregnant, we’ll rub our bellies contemplating baby names from popular series like “Gossip Girl” and “Harry Potter.” Serena for a girl. Ronald for a boy. Or maybe Meredith for a girl; I want her to be just like Dr. Grey.
We’ll stretch Beats headphones over our bellies and let our babies listen to the sweet melodies of “Lemonade,” so they learn the power of Beyoncé and the lesson of never letting a man get the best of you early.
When our babies are born, they’ll obviously have a much quicker grip on technology. It’s likely we’ll record our babies’ first Tweets in their baby book before their first words.
Our babies will wear onesies with ironic hashtags like #nofilter and #flawless.
We’ll never crop our babies out of our selfies because we saw what Kim Kardashian went through.
Childhood
Remember how high tech Tamagotchis and FurReal Friends were? Those will be replaced by some other ridiculously expensive and way more realistic virtual reality pet. At least there’s no cleanup for us, and there’s still an off button.
We’ll try to push our old favorite toys (Barbies, Beanie Babies, Polly Pockets, Easy Bake Ovens) onto our kids, but they’ll tell us to sell them. They will be worth a fortune by then.
Instead of showing our kids old photos in photo albums, we’ll scroll nostalgically through our Instagram profiles.
We’ll have a group chat with the other moms at school to complain and exchange parenting memes.
We will shamelessly exploit our children for social media posts.
Teenage Years
Our daughters will make fun of our clothes endlessly or beg us for them when some trendsetter calls them ~vintage~. Skinny jeans will be the new mom jeans, and our daughters will have so many questions about our winged eyeliner stage.
Blue Ivy and North West will be the new role models, as Blue will probably have released her first album, and North will have made it as a prodigy fashion designer.
We won’t have to teach our kids to drive because the Google self-driving car will have taken off.
We’ll be fooled into thinking we know everything about getting stuff by our parents on social media, so we can know what our kids are up to too, but our kids will have found new ways to find privacy on social media.
U no how ur mom still types like dis to save time? Emojis will be out of style just like text speak.
The best part about our generation being parents, though, is that we will probably raise our children in a much more accepting, equal and advanced world, thanks to all of the work we are doing now to fight for the oppressed and to innovate and create. So although we may be struggling college kids with Easy Mac addictions and sad, sad bank accounts, 90s babies as moms doesn’t look like too bad of an idea.