There will always be someone who people think is better than you. Everyone has their own preferences. What someone would call the “most beautiful girl they have ever seen” other might disagree with and talk about someone that they think is better. Some people like other things, but that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. I know that with relationships insecurities can be high. People worry that they will be cheated on or left.
I know because I’ve been there. That thought used to be on my mind often. And after my first heartbreak that was all I could ever think of. He cheated on me multiple times. And I kept letting him get away with it, because I loved him and he told me that he would change. Stupidly I believed him over and over again, knowing deep down that nothing would change. And somewhere along the way it broke me. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I thought something was wrong with me. I blamed myself for not being enough. But I knew it wasn’t my fault. To keep him, I made myself believe it was me so that I didn’t have to face the thing I feared the most; getting my heart broken. I loved him with everything that I had and he used that to his advantage.
After believing it was me I turned harsh. My heart grew so bitter. I became angry. But I still loved him. And he kept cheating, because to him I simply wasn’t worth it like he was to me. That broke my heart. He told me I was the one and at the time I wanted to be but I never could be. And for a while after we ended things, I would call him crying sometimes. Not ever to say I wanted him back but because I wanted to know why I wasn’t good enough.
He never had an explanation for me and it made me so confused. But I understand it now. Yes, he at one point did have genuine feelings for me, but he had issues he needed to work on by himself. He didn’t know how to love. But I helped him grow. I helped him to become a better person than he was.
I still dislike most everything he did to me. But I helped him grow and that’s all I ever wanted to do. If he couldn’t change in the time that we were together, I am so glad he can be better for those to come after me. And that’s what people don’t understand. Sometimes we come into people’s lives or they come into ours to make us happy, to help us grow, and to teach us. And once their job is done it’s time for them to leave to go make someone else happy and help them grow. It’s harsh and it hurts but in a tragic way it’s beautiful. You’re just not what they need anymore. And they had their eyes on someone else, or multiple someone else’s, or maybe they just fell out of love. To them you were attractive, but you just weren’t their perfect one. This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. This doesn’t mean that you weren’t enough. You are enough. He just changed his mind.
And that’s okay. Because one day, to someone, you will be the “most beautiful one.” And your personalities will click and you both will fight to stay with each other. And you will make it. You are beautiful. Every flaw someone will love. We all have flaws, but to someone those flaws won’t matter. Don’t blame yourself. You will be perfect through someone else’s eyes.
Don’t stay with somoene because they make you believe that no one else will love you. They are lying. I can promise you that. I believed the same things once. I let him tell me that I didn’t deserve any better than what I was getting. I let him tell me everything that is wrong with me. Sometimes I still believe the things he had told me. But months later I finally realized… It wasn’t me, it was him. And I was just not the one for him. And I’m okay with that now. Yes, what he did still hurts. I don’t think that is something that ever completely goes away. But it is okay. I am okay.
You can’t let this experience keep you from moving on with someone else. Not every person you are with will be him. Don’t let the fear of going through this again keep you from putting yourself out there with someone new. No one can predict the future. There are no guarantees in life. But if you keep your walls up and shut everyone out, then you never escape this pain anyway.
So be brave. Say how you feel. Don’t hold back just because you don’t want to let yourself be vulnerable again. Take a breath and let yourself live carelessly. Respect yourself and keep trying until you find the one who sees you as perfect.