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If You’re Going to Live In An Incubator, Choose the Right Chick

If you don’t click with your roommate, get out before your story ends up like mine.  

During my freshman year, I thought I was going to die. I was living in Burge with, for integrity purposes, let’s name my roommate Karen. To find my match-not-made-in-Heaven, I used the roommate matching profile that Iowa puts together. It’s Tinder for a roommate. We never met in person, but we talked on Snapchat most of the summer of 2019, before moving into Burge in August. I was so excited and thought she was great! Not long after, I realized that I chose the wrong chick.  

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Her rudeness dumbfounded me. Whenever she did or said something that was remotely strange and unpleasant, I jotted it down on my notepad on my phone. There are 19 bullet points on my list, and I know that I didn’t record all of them. My nightmare of freshman year is finally good for something. I would love to share all the bullets with you, but I’m just going to narrow it down to the best three. Best, meaning that they are excruciatingly rude.  

  1. “She thinks her body looks so good and she doesn’t look good. Mine looks better than hers. Like what? I’m a 5/10, and she’s like a 2/10”. Rude, right? As women, we’re already getting judged all the time. It doesn’t help that there are people like Karen, who would say something like that. Honestly, it blew my mind.   

  2. It’s inevitable for the average person not to get the common cold in the winter. Last winter, I got my annual sore throat and stuffy nose. Living in the incubator that we were, she should’ve known that she was more than likely going to catch what I had. Sure enough, she did, and she was very vocal about it. Karen said, “F*ck you. You got me sick. You B*tch.” I don’t know if Karen knew this, but being negative wasn’t curing either of us. 

  3. When my boyfriend would come to visit, Karen would take off her clothes with him in the incubator. The polite and straightforward thing to do would’ve been to ask him to exit the small room while she changed clothes or got ready to shower. However, Karen was not polite.  

I moved in with the wrong chick in August and signed up for a new room in September. I was on the waitlist all year. I didn’t get away from her until the university closed due to COVID. It took a whole damn pandemic to get me out.  

If there’s one piece of advice to give to anyone looking for a roommate while in the dorms, it would be that little details matter when you are describing yourself to future roommates. For example, if you have a boyfriend, include it. If you don’t drink, say it. Please don’t pretend like you do something because everyone else is putting it in their profile. If you like to do homework at midnight with all the lights on, then sister, you know what to do. Say it. To find the best chick, you must be true to yourself. Otherwise, you will crack too soon.  

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Spoon University


Payton is a sophomore at The University of Iowa and is double majoring in Marketing Management and Management. In the past, she's been involved with Associated Residence Halls (ARH) and Dance Marathon. She has a passion for writing and taking photos. Being apart of Her Campus allows her to do both!
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