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All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You
Sex + Relationships

How to “Shoot Your Shot” with Your Crush

More often than not, women get too caught up in the idea that when it comes to making the first move, all of the responsibility should fall on men. Let me tell you, for those who haven’t heard it before, this idea is outdated. As a woman, you should want to take your love life into your own hands and be the confident individuals that you are. Sure, you may have to make yourselves vulnerable to tell someone how you feel, but at least you won’t wake up one day and wish you had taken the opportunity when you had the chance. So, if you were a little unsure before and are ready to hit up the person you have been crushing on for awhile, now is the time and here are some things you should keep in mind.

Joey How You Doin

Be Genuine

Surprisingly, being genuine around someone you really like is tough to do sometimes. Everyone has insecurities and doesn’t think that being yourself is going to be good enough to get your crush to like you. Just remember that sooner or later, they will find out who you are. You can’t pretend forever (and if you do, that’s exhausting). It is better to show them the real you, rather than trying to be the person you think that they want. Just take a chance. Your crush might surprise you. 

“If you are trying too hard or trying too hard to hold feelings back, it is negative both ways. I want to see someone’s genuine self, and I want them to feel comfortable reacting with how they truly feel,” Tyler said.

freestocks.org | Unsplash

Make Your Feelings Obvious

Your crush won’t know that you like them unless you make it obvious. Just remember that there is a fine line between making your feelings obvious and overdoing it. Guys like little hints (winks, nudges, moving in closer, joking around, and little compliments). In an over-the-phone situation, these hints still apply. Sliding up on a story and saying something funny or flirty can go a long way. Plus, these little comments can lead to an even deeper conversation. On the other hand, you don’t want to constantly message your crush or be all over them in person. Just feel it out little by little.

“Men love compliments just as much as girls do. It makes us feel good and that you noticed,” Chaney said.

couple holding hands in a restaurant on a date
Pexels / bruce mars

Break Down the Barriers

When you are trying to shoot your shot in person, the most important things are to remember to make eye contact and don’t be afraid to touch your crush a little. Whether it’s a slight nudge or gently touching their arm during a conversation, breaking down the barriers between you and your crush is a good start. You’ll want to test the waters and read their body language to see how they feel towards you, but more times than not, the feeling will be reciprocated. 

“Touch their arm, put your hand on their stomach, compliment their shirt. Just touch them a little!” Marissa said. 

Sixteen Candles cake scene
Universal Pictures

Don’t Play Games

Talking to someone new can be stressful, but it’s not supposed to be. The stress that you feel isn’t from the new person, but rather from being in your own head. Obsessing over little things like how many minutes it took them to respond or constantly checking their snap score are not things to worry about. If you really like them, then you should just respond as quickly as you would to anyone else. When you make them wait hours for your response, it just tells them that you are not that interested, and they could lose interest in you. Some people may be playing these mind games with you and if they are, maybe it’s time to reevaluate what you truly want in a relationship.

“I think it’s childish. I know I sometimes take awhile to reply because I’m a busy guy, so I get it if they don’t reply for awhile because I just assume they’re busy. If they take an hour or two to respond every time then I take it as they’re not interested,” Taylor said.

Gif from the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Be Prepared for Nos

Unfortunately when you put yourself out there, there is always the possibility for your crush to say that they are not interested in pursuing anything with you. This is not something to take personally. Think about it this way: if they lead you on when they do not want to be with you, they are just wasting the time you could be finding someone who is better for you. It’s OK if it doesn’t work out. The right one is out there.

notting hill gif


Don’t let one (or a few) bad experiences keep you from shooting your shot with a different crush. Everyone is different and eventually you will find someone you can have real conversations with and someone you can be yourself around. 

When it comes down to it, do what Taylor said, “Just be light and confident and say what you really want to say.” 

man and woman holding hands
Photo by Thomas Ward from Pexels

Men are constantly expected to make the first move. Any effort you take to make the first move will be unexpected and get your crush’s attention. Just make sure that you are taking the right steps and not being someone you aren’t. Sure, you want to show up and be your best, but just be genuine and really interested in getting to know the other person for who they are. Depth is key to any relationship. Now, go shoot your shot!


Delaney is a journalism major with a certificate in sustainability at the University of Iowa. Her dream career is to become a Marine Biologist and advocate for the environment through research and writing. In her free time, she enjoys music, friends, and the occasional ice cream venture (Okay, maybe not so occasional).
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