This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at U Iowa chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.
Have you men out there ever wanted to GET RID of your lady friends? If so I have some GREAT tips for you. I recently visited my boyfriend in Carbondale, Illinois this weekend and resided with 7 men who obviously didn’t like girls. These men did everything in their powers to make their house anti-women. There were so many ways that these men kept the women away that I only have time to show you a few, but hopefully this will give you an idea of how to never get women to come to your house!
- Keep your yard messy. You want as many beer cans, dip bottles, and cigarette buds as possible to be visible from the sidewalk. Who would have guessed it, girls think it’s an eye sore and it will be an automatic turnoff. Women like to walk past a place that has green grass and an opening and inviting yard, so you want the opposite. Just have a few friends over for a bon fire and don’t give them a garbage can, this will ensure a messy yard, which will help you on your way to a girl-free place!
- Have pets. There’s nothing more annoying than cat and dog hair on your clothes, and annoying barking and sneaky creepiness (I’m talking about cats and their sly and devilish demeanor). Although women do love cute furry things, when having animals in a college guys house they are messy, smelly, and leave messes over the entire house, and guess who cleans up after them? NO ONE. To ensure that women do not want to spend the night at your crib, have at least two different pets!
- Make sure to play loud bumping music ALL the time (Skrillex and bands with a similar bass are the best). With a large bass beating throughout your house there is no room for social interaction such as watching television or even talking. What is the number one thing that women like to do? TALK, by eliminating this one small factor you will eliminate all women from entering your house.
- Throw away all your mops, brooms, and cleaning supplies. This is vital to keeping girls away from your house. By doing absolutely nothing to your house, it will TOTALLY gross out any women who step foot through your doors. A great way to make your house dirty: Throw a HUGE kegger and never clean up afterwards. This will ensure dirtiness and ensure that no girl will want to hang at your pad.
- Who likes the hassle of getting groceries? Not me! So this tip is very easy, don’t buy food! Women love a house full of snacks and good food when visiting friends. By always getting fast food and never cleaning up after your selves, no girl is going to want to stay more than a few hours. If you do draw the attention of women to your house and want to get them out, don’t offer them anything, no food, no choice of television watching and no house tour.
Need more tips? Just ask the men of 930 Main Street, Carbondale Illinois. They really know how to keep the ladies away and how to make certain that no women will ever return to their ‘humble’ abode.