So you don’t like yourself. Welcome to the club, little lady. It is okay, and everything is going to be all right. We live in a world that makes obtaining a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence feel like an unachievable feat with what seems like the world on your shoulders to steer you from finding your way. Whether that be because of childhood traumas, past heartache, the growing colder days and longer darker skies, or maybe there is no reason at all to pin down, it is all okay. As a human being, believe it or not, you are completely allowed to experience whatever you are experiencing that is holding you down right now or maybe your whole life because you are in fact human.
Never let yourself believe you aren’t allowed to feel a certain way because of a fear of being weak, vulnerable or wrong. In actuality, you are not wrong, you are strong for feeling feelings. It’s harder to face that than you give yourself credit for. None of us give ourselves enough credit for the way we find the strength to wake up every morning and take on our worlds and the very thoughts in our own heads. That is an amazing accomplishment sometimes, and you need to be proud of yourself for that.
Mental health is finally starting to be taken seriously now these days, but no matter how you are feeling, checking in with yourself is an essential skill to help you get through each day of your life. Self-esteem can help you combat life best of all because when you believe in yourself and are able to recognize who you are in all your kindness and acceptance, it makes the rest of life’s chaos feel a little bit more manageable even for a moment, and you tend to live a happier life. Some tips to regain a sense of self-esteem are here for the taking in this article. I am not a licensed counselor, but I will say my counselor has given me some of these tools to help myself, so I know they can be of service to some people. Some of it may help or may not help, but trying can’t hurt anything, so I hope you find them as helpful as they have been in helping me and women likewise.
1. Forgive yourself
A lot of the time, we have low self-esteem because of what we tell ourselves and sometimes hear from others. Maybe someone called you fat growing up or said you’d never be attractive enough to date anyone, or maybe you’ve said that to yourself. Whatever the case may be, it is important you forgive for yourself and no one else. It doesn’t mean what was said is okay or that the person isn’t still guilty of doing or saying hurtful things, but to see yourself in a new light, you have to forgive to find peace within yourself. It isn’t for anyone else but you. So if that means you need time to write, speak to someone, or just reflect, it is important you get to that place to move forward and build your worth in the process.
2. Have courage and be kind
Sometimes we have low self-esteem because we feel alone and don’t have anything nice to say about ourselves. We can be our own worst critic, and if you find yourself saying verbally abusive things to yourself, such as name-calling or putting yourself down, it is time to take a look at yourself as if it is for the very first time. Pretend you are someone else and look in the mirror. Take time in the morning or at night to look at yourself and tell yourself one positive genuine attribute about who you are. It could be a physical trait or simply your personality, but say something genuine, and it is okay if at first you can’t come up with anything, do it each day until you can. Say something kind as if you are trying to encourage a close friend. Start slow, you won’t become self-confident overnight, and everyone has bad days. But once you learn to be kind to yourself, you will find life will be a lot less miserable even when you still have to overcome issues in your life. And when you are kind to yourself, you tend to tackle life easier because you have a friend on your side to believe in you and that friend is you.
3. Take a moment
Sometimes we have low or wavering self-esteem because of good old stress. We don’t have time to work out like we would like to, or we have so much on our plate we don’t feel like doing any of it because we feel like frauds trying to be someone we don’t even know we are trying to become. It is really important to take a moment to yourself every single day to help sooth stress. Yes, that is correct, on top of the mirror talk, every day do something for yourself. It is not selfish it is essential even if you are crazy busy. Just like you try to shower or brush your teeth, it is important to take care of your mental health, too. Do some self-care, which can be anything. Maybe you write in a diary or do a face mask at night or stretch before bed. Even just breathing and setting your phone aside can be helpful because social media kills self-esteem when millions are just a reach away to compare ourselves to unrealistically.
4. Become your own best friend, but have best friends
There may be a feeling of a reoccurring theme here, but become your own best friend! Just like it is important to be kind in your own thoughts, it’s important to take care of yourself all the time. If you struggle with depression or anxiety along with low self-esteem you will know how hard this can be sometimes, but it really does make a difference. Braid your hair when you haven’t in ages because you want to, don’t do anything for anyone else but for your own happiness. But don’t forget to socialize and have friendships as well. Take care of you and social you, too. When you feel low, oftentimes you worry your friends are just faking liking you or that you aren’t a good enough friend to join social activities or are never invited to things, so you assume you are too awful to be around. I promise you this is not the case. We all struggle with ourselves, and oftentimes it just takes initiating interest for the social flood gates to unleash. Sometimes people assume they’re not good enough for you in the same way you feel about yourself, crazy concept I know. Just communicate and reach out, you are not a burden to your friends or else you wouldn’t be friends to start. And if you don’t have any, start slow and just start small talk in classes or at work or activities and let things bloom from there. It’s never too late to have friendships in your life. And friendships are even more support and proof of your worth and theirs because you have each other.
5. Mix it up
Sometimes life just puts you in a rut, and when this happens, our self-esteem suffers as a result. We do the same thing day in and day out, and we wonder why we are here doing these things at all. The truth is often-times it is safe, but do something different once and a while and feel your confidence soar when you get out of your comfort zone. There is nothing like realizing you are capable of more than you thought possible. Personally, I used to hate to run, but one day I went on a mile run and the rest was history, and now I am on my way to a marathon real soon. Realizing I was capable of something so unimaginable for myself so soon before has made me realize I do have worth and I have value because if I can run I can do so many other amazing things. And it doesn’t have to be extreme like running or anything crazy, but just surprising yourself once in a while will not only bring new life to your actual life, but it will move you in ways no one else can.
Remember your worth even if you think no one else does. Tell yourself often that you matter, and one day you will believe it. Learn to never forget, but forgive, not for anyone else but for yourself. Take care of your mind and heart as much as your body, and be proud of every choice you make every day. Appreciate everything and be your own friend as much as you try to have friendships. Get out of your comfort zone and fulfill your dreams in order to surprise yourself once in a while. And be kinder to yourself than the person you love most. Life is already hard, you might as well accept yourself to make it just a little bit easier along the way!