It’s just about that time. The time of year when you become overwhelming aware of how incredibly single you are or you begin to think deeply about the current status of your relationship. Everywhere you walk, there are happy looking couples holding hands, every time you turn on the radio there are ads stressing the importance of buying your rose bouquets early and every friend you talk to informs you of all their marvelous plans for the big day. What day is this? The day that some see as a momentous occasion to express their love, and some see as a ridiculous and pointless consumer holiday. The day is Valentine’s Day.
It comes every year on February 14th like clockwork, whether you want it to or not, and, for most, it comes with the baggage of various feelings. Obviously, these feelings aren’t always good, and often can cause you to question your love life, existent or not.
It is universally known that relationships can be hard work, but something most women don’t realize is that there is one common factor that is necessary before any kind of relationship can be successful.
Before falling in love with someone else, you have to fall in love with YOU.
This may seem like a silly concept to some. Many women don’t even consider this when looking for that special someone. You may find yourself saying, “Of course I love myself.” But do you? Here are some questions you can ask yourself to make sure you’re truly, madly, and deeply in love with you.
1. Do you accept yourself?
In today’s society, everything is subject to ridicule and critique, whether it be your body image, diet, clothes you wear or the amount of times you visit the gym each week. Often, this results in the form of a negative view on one’s self and can be complex forming and a draw back for many women. Now, while there is no problem with trying to better yourself by by doing things like: staying healthy or wearing the latest trends, you can’t constantly have a negative view of yourself. If you have a craving for Taco Bell, then you should be able to say, “I’m eating a burrito, and I’m okay with that.” You need to take a step back look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are you. There is nobody else in the world that can be who you are and vice versa. You can’t be anyone else. So you need to stop listening to the critics of the world and accept who you are. Because no matter who you are, you’re beautiful in a million ways, and when you see yourself as the beautiful woman you are, that special someone will too.
2. Do you appreciate yourself?
It seems like no matter how hard you try to stay organized and on a schedule there are just ever enough hours in the day to finish everything you need to. Then, by the end of the night, as you lay there thinking about everything you still have left to do, the thoughts invading your brain are screaming at you about it how you can do better or how this shouldn’t be so hard. You become your own worst critic and beat yourself up for it. The truth is, everyone is going through what you’re going through. Everyone has that mountain of schoolwork, those countless hours they spend at work, and the never-ending to-do list. It’s time to just take a breather and evaluate the situation. Are you doing the best you can? Because in the greater scheme of things, that’s what really matters. If you know you’re putting effort in, then take the time to acknowledge the results that have blossomed from all your work. Don’t forget to take the time to appreciate yourself and all of the work you’ve done just because you’re too stressed out about the things to come. The more stressed and weighed down you become, the unhappier you will be. Unnecessary stress cannot only affect you, but it can affect your relationship. If you’re not happy, nobody around you will be either—that goes for all your relationships, not just the romantics ones.
When you come to the point that you are really accepting and appreciating yourself for who you are and can genuinely say you are happy with what you see, you have to ask yourself another question.
3. Do you know the difference between being alone and lonely?
When you’re lonely, you have a feeling of isolation and that craving you get of needing or wanting something you don’t have. It’s a feeling that tells you that you’re missing something and you can’t be you without it. When loneliness seeps in, this is often where women find themselves feeling incomplete and wanting to latch on to anyone they can to fill this void. This often results in a relationship with someone you’re settling for or that just isn’t right for you. If this happens and you get that lonely feeling, you aren’t truly accepting or appreciating yourself on your own.
When you’re alone, there is still a feeling of isolation, but that feeling is also a feeling of freedom and independence. You have an overwhelming feeling of bliss and are perfectly content in your own company. This can be anything from a night in cuddling up with a good book, to pigging out on popcorn and chocolate at that new indie film you’ve wanted to see. This is accepting and appreciating yourself, overcoming the lonliness, and being completely comfortable being you. When you come to this point, you” feel a euphoric happiness that can’t be found anywhere else.
Lastly,
4. Do you do things for you?
You may think, “Duh,” but I’m not talking about the bare necessities here. Yes, you go to the store and make sure you have toothpaste and a couple groceries, and you may even splurge on the occasional chocolate bar or the new Cosmo, but are you really doing things for you? I’m not saying you need to become selfish and only self-concerned by any means, but everyone knows you’re dealing with some of the most stressful time in your life. You juggle classes, internships, jobs, homework, and try to maintain a social life or even the illusive love life. Things start to weigh down on you, especially if you’re a people pleaser. A people pleaser is one of those people who never say “No,” and often get taken advantage of. It can be a hard concept to grasp, but sometimes, for your sanity, you need to say no. You need to take a break and go get your nails done or hide away in your favorite bookstore for an hour. This is not only okay, but it’s necessary. You’ll feel new and refreshed and ready to take on the world again.
When you finally come to that place in life where you accept, appreciate, and do things for yourself that results in happiness and contentment, whether you are alone or not, that is when you will have truly, madly, and deeply fallen in love with YOU.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” -Lucille Ball