What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is the unexplained bruise on your best friend’s cheek. It is the tear falling down her face when she comes home at 3 a.m. It is the terror she feels when she’s alone. It is the ways she thinks about herself and all of the derogatory names she’s been called. It is the tie she sees between love and control. It is the fear in her heart she chooses not to show on her face. It is the feeling of entrapment she cannot escape. It is her own personal hell.
The important thing to remember about domestic violence is that it is often invisible. Most times, you will never notice that the victim is a victim at all. If you take a relationship only at face value, you will never see what is happening behind closed doors. Here are some signs to look for to help determine whether you or a friend are facing domestic violence.
- Victim is being put down, called names, or hit in public by abuser
- Abuser is extremely controlling of who victim interacts with
- Unexplained injuries on victim
- Victim cancels plans for reasons that do not seem true
- Victim gives up things important to them with no reason
These signs often mean something truly serious is going on. Usually, the victim does not have the ability to speak up. They are afraid, vulnerable, and feel more alone than ever before. In these cases, they need someone to speak up for them. Never be afraid to be that person because you could potentially save a life.
What should you be doing?
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In the midst of DIYing your Halloween costume and pushing through midterms, take a pause to find out how you as a college woman can speak out against and prevent domestic violence.
Eighty-five percent of all domestic violence victims are women. One in four women will experience domestic violence at least once in their lifetime. On college campuses, that statistic becomes one in three. Chances are, you or someone you know will become one of these women. Here are a few simple ways to keep you and those around you safe on and off campus.
- Don’t walk alone at night. ALWAYS walk with a group.
- Call Nite Ride at (319)-384-1111 if you find that you’ve been separated from your group.
- Stay aware of your surroundings. Do not wear headphones or have your eyes glued to your phone while walking alone.
- Download the Companion app for Andriod or IOS. This app allows you to alert emergency contacts in your phone if you’ve been pushed, kicked, hit, or do not make it to your set destination.
- Watch your drink when at parties or bars. Date rape drugs can impair your judgment, physical abilities, and are sometimes fatal.
Use the month of October to get involved and to spread awareness. There are countless ways on and off campus to do so. Volunteer your time or donate Wishlist items to the local Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) shelter right here in Iowa City. Stop by the university’s Women’s Resource and Action Center across from the IMU to find out about some of their upcoming events, including a discussion on the film 50 Shades of Gray and a workshop on creating healthy relationships. You can even use Instagram and Twitter to post proactive pictures and tweets using the hashtag #DVAM.
Domestic violence is a controversial, emotional and painful topic. But these descriptors should not keep us from talking about it. In order to stop this violence, we need to end our silence. Talk to your mom about it, your best friend, your boyfriend, your cousin, your roommate, your classmate. Share these statistics to show others that this problem is real, not just during the month of October, but during every month of the year. By sharing this information, you can prevent others from confusing love with abuse. Love is supposed to be kind, beautiful, hopeful, exhilarating and so much more. But love should never hurt.
If you suspect that you or someone you know is the victim of domestic violence, please visit http://www.dvipiowa.org or call their 24 hour hotline 1-800-373-1043