It happens to all of us at some point. Now that our parents can’t exercise the “you’re too young for this!” rule, we all have to suffer the uncomfortable movie nights. Sure, it starts and ends well, but that five-minute sex scene stationed somewhere after the girl gets rescued and before the world ends can ruin an innocent attempt at family bonding. Here are some of the stages of watching sex scenes with your parents.
1. Oh my god, they’re going to have sex: Knowing something is about to happen. The romantic music starts, or there’s a lingering look in the characters’ eyes, we know the absurd sexual tension will manifest itself somehow. The evening started innocent enough, and now it turns into I’m going to watch a sex scene with my fifty-year old parents!
2. Should I stay or leave? Yes, we’re adults, and we’re totally allowed to watch this scene, and probably wouldn’t flinch if we were with anyone else. But there’s always the coward’s escape to run for the bathroom, or some popcorn, or anything.
If you do stay…
3. Don’t make eye contact. Look away from the T.V. screen and please don’t make eye contact with your mother at the end of the couch, or your dad posted in his favorite recline. We all know it’s going to happen, can we just not acknowledge it.
4. Did Dad really just say that? Dad makes an awkward joke. Great, instead of acting like adults, your dad has to make it even more uncomfortable…if that’s possible.
5. Cover your eyes. Mom looks at you conveying those three little words. Maybe she’ll actually throw something at you, or gulp, cover your eyes herself.
This thought has to occur at one point. And it’s the worst of them all.
6. My parents do this. This opens the floodgate of unwanted images and more thoughts. Block them out. Do it.
7. Thank god it’s over! Finally! Back to the show, and pretend it never happened. Tragically, you couldn’t even enjoy it.