5 Stages Of Having A Celebrity Crush

Unfortunately, we have all been there . . . falling head-over-heels for someone who (1) has no idea of our existence and (2) will never be ours to love: celebrity crushes.

Celebrity crushes (or obsessions, if we're being honest) are quite possibly the worst kind of "love" because they are always unrequited and you have to constantly battle it out with other people who dare to have the hots for your famous soulmate. Shame on them. To make matters creepier (as if that was even possible) the Internet gives us the ability to find everything there is to know about our crush, causing us to fall into a deeper hole of pathetic infatuation. Yet, we still put ourselves through it. Why? Well, who are we to fight destiny? 

So, from a recovering addict, here are the five stages of having your heart tossed around by those who walk the red carpet.

 

Stage 1: Exposure

This is when you are first introduced to your one true love. Perhaps it's due to a movie you hadn't seen before, an Ellen interview or maybe they made an appearance on your favorite television show. Whatever the case may be, you are blown away by their beauty, talent or insane charisma. At this point, you should be feeling a little tingly and your pupils are probably dilated as your heart swells with passion.

 

 

Stage 2: Research

This is when the fun begins. You have figured out your soulmate's information by now, so it's time to utilize this knowledge to the best of your ability. Your search history is full of their name and you spend every free moment (and every second in between) Googling them, watching interviews and making a point to see everything and anything they have ever been in. During this stage, you should feel sleep deprived and a little woozy as your feelings are in overdrive. You just can't imagine how you had lived for so long without them in your life. That's right . . . you're in love.

 

 

Stage 3: Insanity

You have now become fed up with simply watching your crush through a cold, unloving screen . . . it's time you make contact. I mean, don't they deserve to know that you are perfect for each other? At this point, you have probably re-written your fan letter five times in order to achieve the perfect blend of cute and funny. And if you're progressing correctly, you should also have your wedding planned . . . the dress will have a flowing, sparkly train as your celebrity crush tries to keep themselves together at the sight of you. You are probably feeling a little twitchy, desperate and slightly frustrated.

 

 

Stage 4: Realization

As you skim through your ten-page fan letter and eight Pinterest boards of your future together, you slowly begin to see that you are unhealthily obsessed with a complete stranger. This stage is the slowest to evolve and the hardest to come to terms with. This is usually when you finally understand that it's incredibly weird to search the news for your crush everyday or to watch their latest movie for the fourth time (while it's still in theaters). This is the most crucial step of having a celebrity crush, as you have realized that you have a problem. You should be experiencing despair, defeat and long moments of staring out of windows, contemplating how you got here.

 

 

Stage 5: Rehabilitation

As you force yourself to keep your crush's name off of your search history and ease your way back into watching movies that they aren't in, this stage is when you finally regain control of your life. You may experience days of withdrawal or setbacks, but you have found your way over the Hollywood sign. To be honest, you will also likely be feeling a sense of loathing towards celebrities in general . . . who do they think they are? Making you feel silly and treating them likes gods? PLEASE! Everyone knows that you're the one people should be fawning over. 

 

 

 

Photos: Cover, GIF #1, GIF #2, GIF #3, GIF #4, GIF #5