A partially anonymous letter to those in my life who have given me more than I can ever repay, and whom I love more than I could ever express.
to: C & K
Sorry you two didn’t get your own letters, but I believe it’s only fair I address the both of you as a package deal. After all, there is no me without you; it’s hard to fathom a world where the three of us aren’t by each other’s sides, never one without the other. I never knew what it was like to have a sister until I met you both — never understood how having two people so opposite, yet completely and utterly the same to me, could shape the way I would perceive friendship for the rest of my life. It’s a pretty universal consensus that growing up is never easy, particularly when you enter the stages of preteen and teen angst. Everything always feels like the end of the world, and there’s the persistent melodrama of believing yourself to be “misunderstood.” So, it’s no wonder that we wouldn’t want to do it alone; and luckily, I never had to. These character developing years tend to shed light on us at our worst, and I’m no exception. That is why it’s such a privilege to be loved during these unmistakable growing pains. We have loved one another in every era of our lives, from questionable style, to overly dramatic breakups, to moving hundreds of miles away from each other. In every walk of life, you’ve given me a shoulder to put my head on when it feels too heavy to carry on my own, a place to laugh, particularly at ourselves, and a home where love feels infinitely unconditional. If soulmates are real then I met mine a very long time ago, and no matter the distance, in every room I will look for you.
To: R
I heard once that some people are born with the sun within them, an unexplainable and completely undeniable warmth that radiates from within. Well, from the moment I met you I knew you were one of those rare people. You have this innate ability to make people feel instantly welcome in your presence. With you I never felt judged or held to any unachievable standard. You took me for who I was, seeing the good in me when all I could do was compare myself to others. We met at a time where most people look to completely reinvent themselves, but the girl I met first semester was exactly the same one that I said goodbye to at the close of freshman year. Not once did you ever allow the climate of a big school or pressure of a new community change your authentic character. It was this that made me not only respect you but love you. You have no idea how much being loved back by you means to me, how much of an honor it is to have found someone so early into college that made staying here such an easy decision. I’m forever grateful that by some twist of fate you messaged me that day and I got someone so entirely incredible to share the University of Connecticut with.
To: L
I often think about how the stars aligned for us to be roommates this year, how much we share in common, and the compatability we have. I’m not an open person, and I tend to be a traditionally awkward individual when I first meet people, so what a gift it was to be with someone who made me feel at home every time I entered our room. When I think of you, I always remember how Emma said she could hear our laughter every night echoing in the hallway, and if that does not epitomize our friendship, I don’t know what would. You became someone who I could laugh with, never taking myself too seriously, and pushed me outside my comfort zone, making leaving so hard. I’m forever in debt that you came to UConn. As corny as it sounds, you are much more to me than just a roommate and friend, you are a sister and confidant who I’m more thankful to have in my life than I can ever express.
To: A
I read once that there is a distinct difference between loving someone and being in love with them, and even as a chronic romance reader I always felt that was a bit dramatic — until I met you. I met you at a very strange time in my life: a time where I felt so detached from wanting anything with anyone. I was so bored with the redundancy of college guys and resolved to focus solely on myself. So, imagine my annoyance when I met someone as wonderful as you. I fought hard against letting you in, not wanting to admit how much I liked you, how much I wanted you to be in my life. But you were undeniable. You impressed me from the start with not only how intelligent and completely dedicated you are, but with how thoughtful, kind, and unabashedly authentic your character is. As cliche as it sounds, you were and still are so very different from anyone I have ever met. Before you, I thought I had a good work ethic, but after the hours we’ve spent in the library together, there is no person I have ever witnessed be so incredibly diligent. You make me push myself to be even half as tenacious as you are in school. I mean it when I say you are capable of achieving anything you choose to pursue. For you I see endless possibilities that I hope I get to be privy to. I’m so entirely lucky to have someone in my life who knows how completely imperfect I am and still looks at me like I’m anything but. I’m notoriously indecisive, but from the moment I met you there was no other person I wanted to wake up to a text from, listen to The Fray with, or share every insignificant detail of my life with, because if it’s with you it could never be unimportant.
to: A & S
I never thought of myself as a “sorority girl” growing up and probably would have rebuffed any acknowledgment that I would ever become one when I came to college. Even when I joined, I was wary of being a part of something that had so much stigma attached, until I met the two of you. Having you both in my life taught me that authenticity can be maintained no matter what group or organization you choose to be a part of. I knew on first meeting we shared a connection and when it came time to choose my Big and Little, there was only one option for both. Your genuine characters put me at ease whenever I’m in your company and remind me why I wanted to be a part of a sorority in the first place. I know I chose the right people whenever I’m with you, because we are too similar for me to believe I could possibly fit in anywhere else. Both of you are so driven and intelligent. I’m honored to be not only your friend but a part of your family. I’m so proud whenever I get to talk about you two to others, and brag that I have found the most amazing people to be connected to for the rest of my life.
to: M
I’m sure when you read this you will think to yourself that I saved the best for last, and you are 100 percent correct. There are a lot of ways I could explain you to the world, but I don’t think any would fully encompass how much you mean to me. I have spent much of my life trying to compare to the kind of woman you are, and I fear I have fallen short every time. There’s not a single person I have come across that even remotely holds a candle to the strength and beauty that you have as not only a person, but as a mother. You may not see yourself as perfect, but I always have. Nobody knows me the way you do, and I don’t think it’s possible that anyone ever could. In your presence I’m perfectly at ease and assure of who I am, and that is something I feel nowhere else but with you. If there comes a day when I get to be a mother, I hope to be half as wonderful as you.
I talk a lot about love in my writing, perhaps to a fault, but it’s hard not to speak of something I’m so wholly surrounded by. In my mind, it would be selfish not to share with the world the amazing people who I’m honored to have been given the opportunity to love and be loved by. Each of you hold such a specific place in my heart that words could never do justice to. So with that in mind, and for a lack of a better way to explain my feelings, I love you all more than you could ever know.