If you’ve spent any time on TikTok, Instagram, or other popular social media platforms, you’ve probably seen videos (typically posted by male creators) encouraging men to break up with their girlfriend before she goes to college. The logic behind this argument is usually that the girlfriend is just guaranteed to cheat while at school. While it seems that this genre of post is directed towards insecure boyfriends, the audience that’s actually most affected are young women. Women who now must weigh the cost of higher education, an experience outside of their hometown, possibly even out of their home state, and new opportunities, with the chance of losing a relationship.
“Get ready with me as a stay-at-home wife who got married at 19!” or “Let’s pack a lunch for my blue-collar fiancĂ©!” or “How we kept our wedding budget friendly as two 20-year-olds!” are familiar introductions to videos you may have seen or heard about. The tradwife trope is becoming increasingly popular as more and more young people embrace the conservative trend sweeping the nation. Why? Too many young women would rather settle down immediately after high school to secure their relationship than risk it by going away to college.
College has always been associated with freedom for high school graduates. For most, it’s the first real step into adulthood. This kind of freedom means building a sense of identity, making new friends, and choosing a career path. Unfortunately, social media has contributed to a more negative idea of college freedom. Online, university is portrayed as a place to party, and not much beyond that. Social media has also influenced young people into thinking that partying means inevitable cheating. These biases often create feelings of guilt and doubt for young people planning their futures, even though the end goal is actually a college degree.
Education is a privilege! College isn’t a realistic choice for many due to financial, academic, or societal reasons. However, there are so many opportunities to make a degree possible, such as scholarships, work/study programs, community college, online schooling, and more. It’s true that college is not the right path for everyone. After high school, many young adults end up pursuing careers through blue-collar work, trade schools, the armed forces, or specialized programs — all important occupations necessary to sustain our society. With that being said, the majority of high school graduates who dominate these roles are male. Too many women who are choosing to skip the college route are then choosing to skip the career route entirely.
The sexualization of female students has always existed, which stems from the patriarchy and the goal to keep men in positions of power, and keep their wives in the kitchen. We see it in dress codes targeted at girls, in “sexy schoolgirl” Halloween costumes, and in jokes online. Girls are always blamed for attracting male attention, and men are never blamed for predatory behaviors. While this narrative harms all women, there are tons of posts specifically targeted at college students of certain schools, majors, or groups such as sororities. Sororities have been subject to harmful misogynistic opinions since their creation, while fraternities rarely receive the same level of scrutiny. People online have referred to sorority women as serial cheaters, or a cult, or just plain unintelligent. In reality, they should be recognized for the time management and social skills that sororities require, and praised for the networking, philanthropy, and sisterhood that comes from Greek life. Once again, these unfair stereotypes are engineered to keep women from opportunity.
My advice for anyone struggling to choose between college and a career or the housewife route is this: first of all, someone who loves you will not hold you back from building a life for yourself. Someone who loves you will support you in achieving all your goals. Secondly, going to college does not automatically turn you into a cheater. Contrary to internet opinions, it’s actually very easy not to cheat while at school. And finally, I personally believe that pursuing higher education and creating a life outside of your relationship is actually one of the healthiest things you could do for it. Issues like financial dependence and built-up resentment for missed opportunities can create stress, sadness, and eventually kill the love. Time and distance can create a new kind of appreciation for a significant other. New friends and experiences bring fresh perspectives and more to connect over. Intentional communication, especially when it comes to conflict, will set two people up to successfully navigate challenges in the future.
Young women almost all know a story of a grandmother, friend, sister, mother, or even a TV character who gave up her dreams and aspirations for her husband and children. Have you ever heard of a man putting his career on hold to stay home and manage domestic labor for his wife? It’s certainly less common. Past generations of women have worked incredibly hard to secure equal opportunities for both men and women. Access to a college education was once something only realistic for men. It’s so disheartening to see young girls not achieving their goals and dreams because of bullying and shaming on social media.