Matcha. Mullet. Labubu. These aren’t just internet buzzwords — they’re the calling cards of a new online archetype: the performative male. He’s not performing art. He’s performing empathy, feminism, and emotional depth for an audience of women. But is this performance inherently deceptive, or are we just uncomfortable when men adopt traits we’ve coded as feminine?
The performative male is not new. In the past, this species was called the “softboy,” the “hipster,” or the “male manipulator.” But his essence remains the same. He’s “not like the other guys.” His weapons of choice are an iced matcha, Clairo playing through wired headphones, painted nails, tote bags, and a who’s who of feminist literature residing in his back pocket. The supposed goal is to convince women that this is a safe man. He is not violent. He is not a misogynist. He will not ridicule you for your interests, because they are also his interests. You can be comfortable around him, you know? He’s just one of the girls. These are men who superficially engage with female-oriented content or concepts to gain attention and appreciation from women.
The classic example is a guy at the park proudly holding up a copy of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath or The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan in a way that makes it clear to everyone who walks by that this is a man who reads feminist literature. According to the Internet, the problem here is that these men do not deeply believe in the act they are performing.
Now, it’s undeniable that some men do this with malicious intent. What better way to get female attention than to pretend to be sympathetic to the cause, the classic wolf in sheep’s clothing? Much like the “nice guy” archetype, the performative male is pandering to women by posturing and presenting themselves as different from “other guys,” but how exactly are they different? Some men learn this performance exclusively to manipulate, to create trust and comfort, and weaponize it as leverage. They know how to pander to their audience, to gather praise, and be fawned over for doing the bare minimum, and this is undeniably true.
But let’s zoom out. Isn’t all gender, in some way, a performance? From haircuts to our clothing to makeup, we all curate how we present ourselves, often in ways shaped by societal expectations but also according to how we like to be perceived. So if all gender is performative to some degree through the way we dress, speak, or act, then why do we only call men performative when they adopt traits we’ve coded as feminine? Isn’t that just reinforcing the same binary expectations we claim to reject?
This fixation on labeling men as performative feels especially strange when we look at what’s happening on the other end of the internet: the manosphere. A digital ecosystem that promotes a violent, misogynistic version of manhood through “red pill” ideology. These communities enforce the belief that men are inherently superior to women and often prey on young, vulnerable men. So my question is: is this the default state of manhood? Is any divergence from it automatically labeled a performance? Why is it that we only call men performative when they do things women like?
Let’s take one example: the performative male’s reading habits. In a time where young and vulnerable men on the internet are easily manipulated into the manosphere, hooked on far-right livestreams and “brain rot” content that discourages critical thinking and increasingly promotes anti-intellectualism, mocking men for reading feels counterproductive. Progressive spaces are making the mistake of taking the outdated ideas of the right and dressing them up in a new, trendy, ironic outfit. When we go on the internet and make the quippy little jokes of “men used to go to war” under a video of a man reading outside, aren’t we just reinforcing the same rigid masculinity we claim to oppose? This is the other side of the “girl math” coin that was all over the internet months ago. And I swear I’m not trying to be a buzzkill; I’ve laughed at and made these jokes. But the reality is that a lot of these ideas are rooted in the same binary thinking we claim to reject.
As for the performative male contests, I hope they never end. Much like beauty pageants or prom kings and queens, I hope this archetype lives on.
I guess at the end of the day, all men are putting on a performance. But so are women and everyone else in and outside of this binary. In the age of the internet, where empathy is a performance and sincerity is a farce, we can maybe all realize that not all performances are authentic and that some “performances” are just someone existing.