If you’re reading this, you probably want to become something too — a doctor, a writer, a dancer, a philanthropist, a lawyer or whatever it may be. What I have come to understand is that becoming is an art, not a destination. It’s a process, an evolution and a consistent unfolding season.
We survive in a world that idolizes the “finished product” and a “polished identity.” The art of becoming insists we embrace the messy and awkward journey that comes with growing. We aren’t static robots, but dynamic beings — always blooming.
Be right here, right now.
The Myth of arrival
As adolescents, we’re often taught to aspire to specific breakthroughs. It’s simple: graduate from school, find a job, fall in love, buy a house. Each of these steps are framed as a point of arrival. But will fulfilling these steps complete us?
I think back to my high school graduation, to a photo I’ve been revisiting often lately: my friends and I, arms around each other. Smiling, but with a bittersweet attitude, telling each other, “Don’t cry!” This photograph freezes a moment that was already unraveling with excitement — but most of all, fear. It felt like the start and end of everything. We all had plans, declared majors and big dreams to fulfill.
“See you at the grad party!” Right?
Because we were already saying our goodbyes — to each other, to routines, to high school. I was getting ready to leave my home, my family and familiarity. Everything and everyone was going in separate directions. What I wish I realized sooner was how important that in-between season was. I was focused on becoming someone and moving on to the next thing — rushing through the wait because of an uncertain feeling.
When really, that unknown feeling during the waiting season is a gift of its own. Being in the middle is all right. It takes strength to not have all the answers to our worry. It takes patience to live in transition, honoring what no longer fits.
letting go of perfection
You don’t need a finish line. The art of becoming requires letting go of that need. We have to switch perfection for progress, and control for curiosity. The concept demands that we surrender our self-conflicting expectations and allow room for reinvention.
As easy as that may sound, it isn’t. Change in our lives can be uncomfortable, especially when it challenges the idea of ourselves we thought we carefully constructed in pen.
Making a big decision in life can feel like declaring who we are going to be for the rest of our life. As a college student, maybe it’s your major. You may feel pressure to choose something impressive or “secure.” It may not even fulfill you. That is the beauty of becoming. It has given me realization and taught me that we can always evolve. Our first decision is not our last and it does not define us. We will make a million decisions in life — and none of them define our final self.
Growing is unlearning as much as it is learning. We are more so defined by our creations. So, hold things loosely and leave space for what actually fulfills you — your interests, talents and passions. They will keep us grounded.
embracing variability
Becoming is stepping into uncertainty — but with intention. Uncertainty is a possibility. It’s the soil where creativity and reinvention grow.
After leaving home, I found myself exploring the unfamiliar — my campus here at the University of Connecticut, friendships and college life. It’s tempting to glue myself to what I’m accustomed to, even from a distance. But uncertainty isn’t our enemy. It teaches us new things about ourselves.
With that comes perplexity. I’ve learned that staying connected to the things we love is important. It keeps us rooted and reminds us of who we are.
the lifelong journey
Presence without judgment — that’s what I’ve learned about becoming. The ability to be with what is. With honesty. Facing only ourselves with determination.
It asks us to forgive ourselves for delays, miscommunication, and mistakes. This means honoring our past selves — the one that brought us where we are today. The little kid inside of me. And the one inside of you. Most importantly, becoming asks us to slow down. To take a deep breath. To remember that this moment is a part of the journey, too.
The laughter in old photos. The silence in your dorm room. Wherever you are, I hope you remember to enjoy while becoming. Because this, too, is part of your story.