Coming into college, I thought a long distance relationship would never work. “I’m discovering true independence, why give that up? Why, when they’re so far away?” Spring semester sophomore year, I swallowed my words and haven’t looked back. The most beautiful thing about long distance is that you choose each other. Although you can’t see one another, you both say “I choose you through it all, despite the distance.”
That isn’t to say it’s always smooth sailing. It can be just as hard as people think it is: the physical distance, missing each other, miscommunication over text, conflicting schedules. Coming across these challenges can put couples in a rut, make them anxious, or lead them to overthink.
Here are some tips to keep the spark alive and stay connected to your partner despite the distance.
1. Movie Nights
Come up with a list of movies both of you want to watch, or even include one of your favorite movies that the other hasn’t seen. Find a day in the week where both of you would have time to watch it, whether that be on your own time or together on a watch party is up to you! When you’re both finished with the movie, call each other and share your theories, disappointments, and favorite moments and characters. If you want to sprinkle in another fun activity, download Letterboxd where you can log and review the movies you watch and compare your ratings.
Setting up these movie nights can help you both feel connected to each other, knowing you are consuming the same media on the same night (almost like a real movie night).
2. apps
It can be hard to constantly text and call while also keeping an hint of spontaneity and fun in your relationship during long distance. Thankfully, there are several apps designed for couples that include questions, activities, and games for both of you.
My personal favorite is Cozy Couples. You can have a cat and plant to take care of, a photo gallery, journal questions, and more. A feature I love is the mood lights with over 30 different moods to choose from and colors that coordinate to let your partner know how you’re feeling. You can also look into Candle, an app filled with prompts, games, and debate topics, or Things With You where you can create a bucket list together that may help you plan your next visit!
Whichever app you find that best suits you, having another platform strictly surrounding your relationship can provide you a unique, private space to express love for each other and get to know each other better.Â
3. planning
It can be hard to make plans over text, especially ones that involve plane rides or coordinating who will drive to the other’s campus. However, when one of you visits the other, always make sure to leave knowing the next time you’ll be seeing each other. Leaving each other on short visits without having coordinated plans can leave you feeling unsure and pondering about your relationship and your partner’s desire to see you. Future plans can be made over phone calls or during a current visit where there can be smoother communication about dates and times that work best. Once you have a date set for your next visit, you can start a countdown to build up your anticipation. If it is over a month and a half, it can be easier to put it into smaller numbers: instead of 38 days, say 5 and a half weeks!
Phone calls can also be a way to practice the routine of planning within your relationship. Long distance limits your form of communication to texts, phone calls, and FaceTime calls. Make sure you don’t spend days on end only texting. Planning a phone call at the end of the day or of the week gives the two of you something to look forward to, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
4. shows
Similar to the movie nights, try to make a list of shows the two of you have been meaning to watch. Instead of dedicating one day for both of you to watch one episode, try to set a timeline of three to four days and allow the two of you to watch a certain amount of episodes during that time. For example, if you’re watching Succession, which has 10 episodes per season, have the both of you start on a Saturday and try to finish five episodes by Wednesday. Once both of you have finished watching the set amount of episodes, FaceTime or call to deliberate the best and worst moments or whose character you’re enjoying the progression of the most.
5. surprise!
To keep your relationship spontaneous, this tip can be a little pricier, but worth their reaction and appreciation! It could be a spur of the moment decision or if your partner hasn’t had the best week, surprise them with something to cheer them up. You can start small with sending scheduled paragraphs of sweet love confessions or reminders throughout the day filled with words of encouragement on iMessages. Staying on the electronic route, you can also send them an e-gift card to their favorite restaurant or store. If you want to take the next step, grab a pen and some paper to write a handwritten love letter. Sending unprompted heartfelt messages will keep the aspect of spontaneity in your relationship and show your partner that you’re always thinking of them, even when you’re apart.
If you’re feeling either yourself or your partner falling into a rut, don’t panic! There’s a reason you’re here, reading this: you want what’s best for your relationship and connection. Best of luck to my fellow long distance couples following these tips!