Because if I didn’t soundtrack my breakdowns, did they even actually happen?
Every month, I create a new Spotify playlist. I don’t really know why — maybe it’s a control thing, or maybe it’s my version of journaling. Either way, it’s how I keep track of what headspace I was in at any given moment. Every playlist has its own personality, and unfortunately, so did I this semester.
So here’s a little emotional semester recap, through the songs that carried me, exposed me, and probably made me unbearable to ride in a car with.
January✰ – “Rockman” by Mk.gee
The vibe: ’80s-coded rock, but like.. soft and emotionally unwell.
The lie I told myself: “New year, new mindset.”
I played this one on loop like it was going to give me main character superpowers. Something about it felt kind of moody, almost like “I’m walking in slow motion down a hallway with something heavy on my mind.” Did I know what that “something” was? Absolutely not, but it felt dramatic. And honestly? To me, that was enough.
This was at peak “start of the semester” energy. Setting up my planner, acting like I would start getting 8 hours of sleep every night, and not yet experiencing academic-related dread. The vibe didn’t last long, but “ROCKMAN” did. This was also probably the last time I entered Homer Babbidge with genuine hope instead of a survivalist mindset.
February✰ – “no Go” by LAUNDRY DAY
The vibe: That fake boy band from a 2010s Disney movie, but in a really good way.
The lie I told myself: “This is just fun. I’m fine.”
This song was weirdly nostalgic in a way I couldn’t explain. It reminded me of boy bands that wore skinny jeans, did synchronized jumps on stage, and as if I were in a teen movie, where I trip in front of my crush and somehow that’s the start of our love story. Slightly delusional, but it got me through the beginning of this semester.
(Also shoutout to “Darlin'” by Jean Dawson — the reason I survived the last two weeks of February, it’s one of those songs that make you feel calm, chaotic, and slightly romantic all at once — exactly what February felt like. If you like that, give this a listen.)
March✰- “The Suburbs” by Bickle
The vibe: Emotional damage with a summer aftertaste.
The lie I told myself: “We’re basically done. Summer’s almost here.”
I cannot even express how much I love this song, I don’t know why. This song has lived on my playlists (sporadically, of course) since July, but I added it back in March for the hit of nostalgia and the reminder that freedom does exist. I needed it. Every time I played it, I was mentally on a car ride, windows down, wearing sunglasses, and not thinking about Blackboard announcements.
In reality? I was walking to class in 30-degree weather, navigating a literal wind tunnel, trying not to cry. But the song made me believe that summer was closer than it actually was, and at that point, a little self-delusion was kind of necessary.
(P.S. The tears were probably from the wind blasting me in the face. Probably.)
April✰ – “Uncle ACE” by Blood Orange
The vibe: Smooth, slightly unhinged, Challengers-coded.
The lie I told myself: “I’m not obsessed, just appreciating the art.”
Alright, so again, I would be lying if I said that this was just due to a Blood Orange obsession, it’s not, I fully rewatched Challengers for what has got to be like, the fifth time. (Crazy, I know..) The soundtrack? Incredible. The tension? Real. And somehow, Uncle ACE captures it all in three minutes. It wasn’t just about the song — it was about the energy. But yes, this song is basically on repeat every time I’m in the car, and yes, my boyfriend noticed. He actually pointed it out.
I think this is the perfect “I’m in control of the aux, but emotionally I’m not” kind of track. It’s been in heavy rotation, and honestly? It deserves it. It also makes me miss summer. So bad.
We’ve only got a few weeks left, and we’ve got this.
Final Thoughts
Looking back at my monthly playlists is almost like reading a diary I didn’t mean to write. These songs didn’t fix anything, but they made the semester feel a little less chaotic — even during the times when it absolutely was.
They also reminded me that sometimes the best way to process a long week, a hard day, or an overall identity crisis while sitting in the library is just to put in your headphones and hit shuffle. Not every song has to be deep, but the right one will hit like therapy.
If you’re wondering what kind of semester I had, just press play.