Are TikTok and Instagram giving you worse mixed signals than your crush?
What was once a beautiful, sunny Wednesday suddenly becomes another sour, overshadowed day at college. You thought to check your phone and see if the guy you’ve been texting for the past week has replied, only to find a grey “x” where his conversation was. Anxious, confused, and at a loss for words, you open Instagram and TikTok, hoping a mini serotonin boost can brighten your downtrodden mood. Yet it’s like these apps know you just experienced a mini heartbreak, because your feed is flooded with wannabe love experts giving you advice you probably shouldn’t be taking.
Social media loves to talk about romance. With cheaters reposting hopeless romantic quotes, or friends reposting edits from The Notebook, it’s hard to escape love and desire online. And with love experts flooding our feeds, it seems like social media has a taste for meddling with our perceptions of love.
Unrealistic Expectations
All right, the number of videos telling girls how they should be treated by their partners is growing concerning. Unfortunately, it’s reflective of some of the menaces that are allowed to date right now. Hate to break it to some of you, but buying flowers for your girlfriend, making time for your partner, and communicating your problems is the bare minimum. And if these aren’t the issue, people get caught up in things like posting their partners on social media. It can be cute, it can be sweet, but it shouldn’t be the relationship-ender some people see it as. I fear you should know that your partner loves you even if they aren’t plastering you all over social media…
Sometimes internet trolls slam partners who don’t let their significant others go through their phones and text messages, but is that necessary? What happened to trust and privacy? When does the boundary get crossed?
Other creators love to talk about how they’re at their lowest point and crave love. They act like a relationship will suddenly heal their hurt or save their scraps of confidence. PSA to those who need it — it won’t, it’ll only cause problems. As someone who’s experienced this relationship, at some point, the spark catches flame and the next thing you know, the house is burning down.
Feeding Delusion
Every day, it seems like folks online are trying to come up with theories to cope with the fact that their crush might not like them.
On one hand, you have alleged licensed psychologists claiming these three signals indicate one’s interest in you, and on the other hand, you have randoms telling you these three things gave away their crush’s feelings. While seemingly harmless, people take this and run with it. Delusion is satiated, and all of a sudden, a polite “hi” means your crush is in love with you.
Then come complicated theories like the three-month rule, which says you should evaluate your relationship after three months for red flags and further commitment. It also establishes the first three months of dating as the “honeymoon phase,” with no problems or issues surfacing until later.
This theory only puts people on a ticking time bomb. Apparently, once those three months of pure joy end, it’s time to bear arms and go to battle. I truly believe people can get this idea in their head and subconsciously start thinking that every problem that occurs after this stage in their relationship indicates incompatibility. In reality, every relationship has its problems, and not all indicate incompatibility.
For me, this theory only promotes a prolonged seeing-each-other phase rather than immediate dating. I’m a firm believer in relationships happening in stages or phases, but none of these need a set period of time. To me, following this will only cause you to seek out your fears and concerns even when they’re not there, solely because someone said it’s a universal occurrence.
THe Situationship
A devious endeavor of love. God bless anyone who must experience the mental torture of this. No, it’s not the awkward stage before you start dating someone. It’s when you act like you are together, but either one party or both have no hope of getting to that level. Sometimes one or both do want to get to that level, but are unsure of the commitment aspect. You could be loyal to one another, could not be, but one thing’s for sure: you’re operating like a couple but lacking the label and full commitment.
Hot take by me, but I must agree with all the elders on these. You’re either dating or you’re not. The situationship mimics a relationship. It gets your hopes up, and then strangely ends them, oftentimes suddenly or painfully. The only advice I can give to those who are exploring this trend: really think about if you are going to be okay with never being called theirs. Why mimic a relationship? Why put yourself through the hurt when you know it’s not going to work out?
And if you’re on the same page, or if you’re okay with maybe letting go, then congratulations, you’ll probably make it out just fine. But be careful, just because you’re in that mindset doesn’t mean the other person is. Communication, people! Save yourself the headache and establish what you are looking for.
It confuses me when people believe their soulmate is their situationship, because if they truly were, wouldn’t they choose to fully commit to you?
SO, what’s the deal?
It’s confusing to go online and see contradicting messages. A relationship so blissful can suddenly feel wrong as people online feed you expectations that might not seem plausible, but they act like they are. It’s of the utmost importance to take any advice with a grain of salt. Not everything we see is correct, and not everything applies to us.
But one thing is for certain: a healthy relationship is one that feels easy. They’ll have their bad days or tough times, but what matters is if we feel okay with accepting these and pushing forward.
Why stay behind when you can get ahead? Why listen to those online who only ever approve of perfection? Relationships aren’t perfect, so don’t strive for it, because it’s a lost cause. Strive for peace, strive for happiness, strive for dedication, and strive to be the best version of yourself for you and your partner. Don’t listen to the trolls telling you you’re not doing enough. Listen to what your partner has to say.