At the start of the year you knew how many people you would be living with, whether you hand selected your pillow talk buddy, or opened the door to a surprise new face on move-in day. Regardless, you knew it would be a set number of single sex people, no extras. In the whirlwind of excitement, otherwise known as the first week, you proceeded to fill out the standard Roommate contract, naively checking the box marked “overnight guests allowed whenever”. Big Mistake. Yes, your roommate might have mentioned having her significant other stay over once in a while, but once in a while is never a problem, right? WRONG! Fast forward a few months and suddenly once in a while becomes most of the time, and you start questioning whether or not he has his own bed…somewhere else. Last time you checked, you did not sign-up for a package deal.
Now that you feel like a third wheel in your own home, or worse, got unofficially evicted by the sock that never seems to leave the doorknob, what can you do? Talking to your roommate is preferable. If you are lucky enough to be comfortable asking your roommate to kick out her BF more frequently, then by all means do that! It is the most direct and simple solution to this dilemma. Unfortunately, not all of us have the luxury of direct confrontation, either because your relationship with your roommate is rocky, or because it’s super scary to separate two love birds. You could always talk to your RA, but if you’re not particularly close with them, knocking on their door and trying to explain that you have been sexiled a lot lately is not preferable either. That’s when it is time to bring out the arsenal of unconventional solutions and temporary coping methods to make it through the rest of the year:
Solution #1: So you are too afraid to talk to your roommate straight up about moving her boy toy. Write a letter. It may seem slightly outdated, but a simple note left on her desk or on her bed explaining why you feel uncomfortable, along with a proposed solution can do wonders. A little humor never hurt either! Texting is a bit informal for handling this sticky situation, but a letter gives you the chance to say what you need to, uninterrupted, with no worry of potential word vomit.
Solution #2: Lead by example. I have learned quickly that not everyone is familiar with common courtesy. Like common sense, it tends to be anything but common. When you have guests over, be conscientious, polite, and show her how it’s done. She might just take the hint.
Solution #3: You’re sick of feeling awkward around your house guest and roommate, so give them a taste of their own medicine. Act awkward. This should be self-explanatory, since everyone has an awkward side, just let it go free! Make them feel as uncomfortable as you do around them.
Solution #4: He’s there all the time. Okay, so have your friends over all the time. The space is shared jointly, so you have equal rights to be there with whom you please. This will help balance out room privileges and might send them elsewhere to snuggle up if they know you have your own party going on.
Solution #5: Similar to solution 4, if your roommate insists on making your dorm the designated spot for doing the unmentionable, one of the times she asks for the room don’t give in. A little peaceful sit-in has worked for much bigger causes in the past, so why not deny her the option to steam roll over you.
Solution #6: By far the most drastic measure, upon suggestion from some fellow college females, start hanging out naked or in your underwear. I don’t necessarily suggest this one, but I’m sure it would have a high success rate.
Assuming you cannot handle the problem ASAP, in the mean time you can try some of these coping methods:
Method #1: If he sleeps over, spend the night at a friend’s. Everyone can sympathize with a victim of sexile, and most are more than willing to lend their floor or futon to a girl in need.
Method #2: Get a good set of headphones or ear plugs. Block out the world and all unsettling sounds.
Method #3: Suggest that they go out to get food or see a show, even if it means you can have the room to yourself for just a few hours.
Method #4: Do something to relax. The stress of having him there is not going to make the situation any better and only hurts you more. So, take a deep breath, exercise, watch a movie, and remember that it will be over soon.
Navigating the waters of adult relationships for the first time, away from watchful parental eyes, in a space that is partially shared, while still living like reckless teens can cause a lot of unnecessary conflict. Most roommates have had awkward encounters with the sexual and romantic relationships of their bunk mates, but it is when it gets out of hand that it needs to be dealt with. What they don’t tell us at freshman orientation is that there are more than two possible solutions for socks on door knobs and third wheels.