At what point does liking something or having a niche hobby become a personality trait?
I like matcha and suddenly, I’m a matcha girl.
I wear ballet flats and now I’m a “ballet coquette girl.”
I read one book on a plane. Am I a reader?
I watched the amazing Gilmore Girls almost four years ago, so obviously I have to make a decision: am I a Rory or a Lorelai?
Somewhere along the way, we stopped just enjoying our interests and started turning them into frivolous trends and even identities. We have officially been welcomed into the age of “this is so me.”
Social media has made it relatively easy to build a personality from tiny pieces of our everyday life. The coffee we order, the TV show we watch, the Spotify playlist we don’t think about, the clothes we wear or even the way we organize our homes can all be a part of the “personal brand.”
And sometimes I get it.
There is something comforting about being able to put yourself in a category. It makes the eternal question of “Who am I?” feel easier and even non-existent. Instead of figuring yourself out from scratch, borrow a few labels, aesthetics, and interests, and sew them into something that feels “you.”
The problem I see is when we start confusing the things we like with who we truly are at our core.
Your Coffee Order is Not Your Personality
There’s a weird pressure to have a thing.
You can’t just simply enjoy cafes. You have to be a café person.
You can’t just like reading. You have to be a “book girl.”
You can’t just enjoy dressing up. You’re officially a fashion girl.
If you run, you’re a runner.
Once you get your thing, there’s an expectation for you to commit to the whole act.
If I were to say I love matcha, I feel like I should know the difference between ceremonial and culinary grade. If I say I love fashion, I should know about every designer’s fall/winter collection. If I say I love books, I should have a huge stack of them sitting on my nightstand or a bookshelf, instead of the ones I bought many months ago and haven’t opened.
It’s so exhausting. Why can’t I like something casually? Why do all my interests have to come with a membership card?
We are Always Curating Ourselves
This comes from the fact that we are not living our lives anymore. We’re just documenting them.
Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest, and Spotify: there are now endless places where we can post pieces of our lives.
Because of this, we start thinking of ourselves from a singular lens.
What’s my niche? What’s my aesthetic? What does it say about me?
It’s like being the marketing manager for yourself.
We make these decisions based on how they look, rather than how we feel about them.
The internet loves a label
The internet has gotten very good at giving us names for everything.
Clean girl. Pilates princess. Coquette. Old money. Mob wife. Office siren.
You just can’t keep up with this. The problem is instead of enjoying these aesthetics, we have started performing them. Maybe I want to dress a certain way because I like it, not just to fit into one aesthetic. And maybe one day I’m dressing “old money,” and the other I’m dressing “athletic chic.” So then what category am I?
Maybe my personality doesn’t need to fit into a Pinterest board.
You are allowed inconsistency
One of the best parts of growing up is realizing that you’re allowed to contradict yourself.
You can be outgoing, and still want to go to bed by 9 p.m. You can be ambitious, and still have no idea what to do with your life.
Your interests will change according to the stage of your life. Your style will change too. That doesn’t mean you were being fake before. It just means you’re a person.
So, What is your personality?
To be honest, I’m not sure.
That’s the point.
Maybe my personality is not whether I’m a matcha girl, or book girl, or literally whatever “girl” the trends have come up with.
Maybe I’m just a girl who likes different things at different times.
Buy the dress you like, get the drink you want to have, read a book or don’t read a book. You’re still relevant and amazing.
I’m just a girl standing in front of the world, asking it to not put me in a box, or fit me into a trend. I am who I am, and I like what I like.
You don’t need a curated personality.
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