I’m turning 20 this month, and it feels strangely symbolic — like I’m supposed to walk through some invisible doorway into adulthood with a plan, a purpose, and maybe even a five-year roadmap. But the closer I got to my birthday, the more I realized I don’t have any of that. I don’t have every answer. I don’t have a perfectly mapped-out future. And honestly? I’m starting to think that’s completely normal.
For some reason, 20 is treated like the age where everything should suddenly make sense, but for most of us, it’s actually the start of figuring things out, not the finish line.
The Timeline Trap
Turning 20 comes with a silent expectation: You should have it together by now.
It’s the internal pressure to know exactly who you are, what you want to do, and where you’re going, even though you’ve only been alive for two decades and spent half of that time simply learning how to be a person.
A lot of that pressure comes from comparisons. It’s easy to look around and feel like everyone else is sprinting ahead of you:
- Friends declaring their majors with confidence
- People landing internships and already knowing what their careers look like
- Feeling like you’re the only one who hasn’t “sorted out” their life yet
Suddenly, you start thinking, “Should I be further? Should I have more figured out?”
But those expectations didn’t start with you. They come from school systems, society, and the belief that adulthood begins the moment the number on your birthday cake changes. In reality, most people your age are just as confused as you are — they’re just quieter about it.
It’s Not That Deep (Yet)
The truth? Almost everyone is confused at 20.
This age is full of questions:
- Who am I becoming?
- What career actually fits me?
- What do I want out of life?
- What kind of relationships do I want to build?
Some people change majors. Some people switch career paths. Some people take gap years. Some people are dealing with mental health challenges and can barely think about a five-year plan. Life does not move in a straight line, and nobody figures everything out at the same pace.
Even statistics back this up. Many college students switch majors at least once, and most young adults change career paths several times throughout their lives. Confusion isn’t a flaw; it’s part of the process.
20 Is Not Adulthood
Despite what society tries to convince us, hitting 20 doesn’t magically turn you into a fully formed adult.
Developmentally, your brain is still growing, your identity is still forming, and your independence is still pretty new. Finances are still something you’re learning how to manage. And college? That’s its own universe, full of classes, deadlines, part-time jobs, social life, and personal growth, all happening at once.
You’re not meant to have a perfect picture of your future right now. You’re meant to be trying, growing, and taking your first steps, not writing the ending.
Learning As I Go
In a weird way, not knowing everything is freeing. This is the age for trial and error:
- Taking random classes because they sound interesting
- Trying new hobbies
- Making mistakes and learning from them
- Outgrowing people and finding new ones
- Understanding that your goals can change, and that’s completely okay.
Your journey doesn’t have to line up with anyone else’s. You’re allowed to move in the timing that fits you.
My New Priority List
So instead of trying to master adulthood by 20, here’s what I’m focusing on:
- Growing at a steady pace
- Staying curious
- Building habits that support the life I want
- Being open to new opportunities
- Allowing myself to change
- Listening to what feels right, not what looks right
It’s less about perfect plans and more about discovering what actually matters to me.
This Is Just the Beginning
So I’m turning 20, and no, I don’t have everything figured out. I don’t have a precise map of my future. But the more I think about it, the more I realize I don’t need to.
20 isn’t the age of having all the answers. It’s the age of starting the journey of finding them. I don’t have it all figured out at 20… and maybe that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.