I would be lying if I said that college is easy because it isn’t. In fact, it isn’t meant to be easy. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying. It is intended to be a time that you are challenged to learn and grow as an individual, let alone just as a scholar and professional. It is the prime time to be messy, make mistakes, and push yourself past your comfort zone.
With that in mind, everyone experiences their own unique journey and there’s not always going to be a clear path. That is why, today, I am sharing with you five pieces of critical knowledge that I acquired during my time so far attending university. In other words, this is what I had wished I had known and you should know going forward as you navigate the ups and downs of college at UConn, or anywhere in-between for that matter.
Enjoy!
– Sammi xoxo
DRUMROLL PLEASE…
1. Everything happens for a reason
As cliché as it sounds, it is true. I always used to think it was foolish to believe in something like fate, but as I have journeyed through university life the last few years, I have come to hold this belief because it is almost comforting to know that things will work out in some fashion.
A key example of this lesson is when I lost my Opa a little over a year ago.
At times like these, you tend to look up to the sky and want to scream “why?!” to the universe…as if you can even ever expect a response on demand. My beloved Opa had passed away at the age of 94 from a mix of complications related to old age and having survived, but suffered from COVID-19. It was the months that followed that I witnessed a tremendous decline in his mental and physical health that still haunt me to this day. He was a beautiful soul and a special person to me, so it shattered me that I had to say goodbye in such a way that I did— without even a proper funeral due to the pandemic.
It took this incredibly traumatic series of experiences wrapped into one, all the while balancing attending classes online and home life, to come to the understanding that though it was definitely not the ideal situation for me or my family, I was able to become that much stronger, that much more resilient. I realized that there might be ugly times, but it brought me to appreciate the happy, joyous ones that much more instead of focusing on the negatives. It was definitely a bittersweet moment.
Don’t get me wrong, I miss my Opa nearly every moment of every day, and I am not going to B.S. you. There are days that I still don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I would much rather sleep in sometimes, never putting in the emotional effort to connect with others or even bothering to attempt to smile. However, it is when you get through these hard days that you can look back and be proud that you were able to power through it. That is a major accomplishment. No exaggeration.
It might sound silly, or even stupid, but from this experience I have learned that this needed to happen for me to learn to truly appreciate and hold dear the joy my Opa brought me with his infectious smile, captivating stories, and beautiful heart.
2. Not everyone will like you, and it may be for no good reason
Believe me when I say, this is a lesson I sometimes forget and have to re-learn… but there is no shame in that. Remember, we all learn different lessons to different degrees at different paces. Sometimes, it takes more than a single experience to teach us and to get it to stick in our conscious and subconscious minds.
In total honesty, I have always been a people-pleaser. I love emotionally connecting with people and making others happy. Often, it is a goal of mine to make others’ days a little bit brighter. Despite these good intentions, I admit it can be a pretty self-sabotaging trait to have, if not toxic for one’s own psyche. I am always exceedingly hard on myself, so the following was quite difficult for me when I couldn’t help but automatically internalize every single event that transpired.
This rather critical experience for me that reiterated this lesson was when I befriended someone in one of my classes recently. Essentially, we seemed to hit it off and everything seemed to be natural, comfortable, and easy. We seemingly appeared to equally initiate spending time together. However, things started to go downhill as they became increasingly distant and cold.
Does this sound familiar to anything you have experienced?
Long story short, they cut me out of their life just like that, claiming I did nothing wrong. I am not going to lie, I was not in a healthy mindset for many weeks afterwards. I tried to find out ‘why’ because I just desperately wanted to understand what I could improve, what I could do differently.
While I am far from perfect and there is a vast room for personal growth, I realized something momentous. No matter how much you try to understand and search for a grasp of reason, sometimes there is none. Sometimes there is no good reason for someone not liking you. Instead of taking it so personally, I suggest the mindset that there must be something else going on in their life, and frankly, it is their loss. They are missing out and that’s a real shame.
*shrug emoji*
Do what I learned to do in this situation: I reminded myself of who I am and why I love myself. I started practicing self-affirmations in the mirror, made strides to take even better care of my body because it takes care of me so devotedly, and continued to cherish the friends and family in my life who do appreciate me.
Bottom line: We are worth it and don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.
3. Pursue what you truly love to do
Have you ever heard someone say, “Love what you do and do what you love”? It is with good reason! It is a crucial lesson I will preach time and time again.
For a little background, I started my college journey at another state university with a different major. It took me two and a half years of rigorous graphic design schooling to realize my true passions.
It started with me noticing I wasn’t exactly excited to go to class. In fact, I dreaded it. I loved the people there. I had great professors and amazing classmates! No, it was that each design project felt like it made time creep by achingly slow. I would subconsciously start counting down the remaining minutes of each of my classes, always wondering how every one of my peers felt so impassioned by their work.
In fact, their passion genuinely baffled me.
How does someone get excited about a topic? How can you find your passion? Was I alone in feeling this way? At 17 years old, I did not really understand it quite yet.
Then, after class would be over, it left me feeling drained and depleted. The next project would commence, and the entire process would restart.
Rinse and repeat.
Rinse and repeat.
Rinse and repeat.
Simply put, I felt lost and defeated. I didn’t really see the point in continuing down this college path if I did not feel as strongly as I once did about graphic design on its own. Something was missing for me. As I started to lose drive in my studies, I stumbled upon my first marketing class with an inspiring adjunct professor who was overwhelmingly passionate and knowledgeable about his subject. That passion was contagious, while the vast amount of knowledge was enthralling. It is no dramatization to make the claim that suddenly, I started to feel the pieces falling into place. And boy, what a relief it was.
In fact, I only got two-thirds the way through that specific semester for me to come to the game-changing realization that I needed to switch gears and reevaluate my academic direction. I needed to set out on a new path.
Fast forward to the present day, I am now in pursuit of a Business Strategies concentration in the Digital Media and Design major at UConn, and could not be more thrilled. Because of this drastic change, I have met many incredibly kindhearted, funny, and talented people whom I have the honor of calling my friends, peers, and fellow creative enthusiasts.
Believe me when I say, I am eager to attend my classes now. It was one of my finest decisions to date and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
4. Don’t dwell on the past
This is a HUGE lesson that we all need to learn, if not get a gentle reminder for every so often, primarily because a lot of us dabble in the past more frequently than we would like to admit.
You are not alone for allowing your mind to return to previous difficult experiences, embarrassing moments, or bad decisions. It happens and we have all been there.
In fact, I can speak on an uncomfortable, challenging moment that can be seen as a relatable happening for many of us, as unfortunate as the reality is to be females living in what some call a ‘man’s world.’ I have had to work hard to move past this, but I find my mind wanders to this a lot when I am emotionally vulnerable.
Last semester, while waiting for the bus on a chilly Friday night in front of the Student Union, a group of male college students were walking northbound down the street. It was a massive mob of maybe ten to fifteen young men.
One of them stopped directly in front of me to talk to me, then moved to sit on a cement block next to where I was seated.
He and the group of guys passing by all began to laugh at me as that first male student started “shipping” me with his friend nearby who wanted no part in it. To that other guy’s credit who was being shipped with me, he mouthed the words “sorry” but did nothing more. The first male student started asking me my first name, what I liked in a guy, and when I said “no thank you,” he proceeded to rattle off all the reasons that I should be interested in his buddy.
I was definitely caught off guard by this interaction and did not shut it down as soon as I would have, had I been more prepared for it, but I was able to muster out: “No thank you, I am not interested in the conversation. Sorry, I am waiting for the bus.” However, it wasn’t before the first guy riled up the entire group of male students and had them all laughing hysterically… at me.
Though no move was made to physically touch me, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of males around me at night and felt slightly threatened. There were a couple girls nearby in the brightly lit space, but they chose to flirt with the group of guys instead. I was able to hold it together except for my hands shaking, until I got back to my apartment later that night where I broke down in shock and embarrassment of an entire group of men laughing at me for how I reacted to that lead character.
Since then, there have been times that I have beat myself up over not being more assertive, more confident in myself, and speaking up sooner— or maybe even moving somewhere else. However, I have to remind myself that I believed the bus to show up any minute, and I DID speak up for myself best I could for being intimidated by a group of male students and shocked that this was happening to me.
I learned through time passing and my own personal growth and maturing that I did what I was capable of at the time best I could. I should not be too hard on myself for that, nor can I change the past now. Instead, I must move forward and strive to carry myself with more confidence even in the face of many male students’ intimidating laughter.
All in all, don’t enable dwelling in the past to become a habit by revisiting painful memories too much. It does not solve anything, but learning from it can. Only by actively making the changes you see necessary that you learned from the past can shape your future.
5. Be present
Look, I know we live in a digital age where social media seems to be everything, but sometimes you need to put down your phone and be present. Trust me on this one.
Why, you ask?
Well, last weekend I attended WHUS Radio’s Battle of the Bands event in the Student Union.
And, I wasn’t sure if I was going to have a good time because I felt too concerned about capturing every moment of it on my phone for social media or to look back on it later. Then, I could only enjoy the music ever so much because I was too caught up with scrolling through my phone and living through my phone’s camera lens.
Several songs passed by and I couldn’t even recall the music or how it made me feel. Everyone was vibing to the music, but I wasn’t.
I wasn’t living in the moment.
That is when I noticed that my good friend, whom I was attending the event with, smartly put away her phone and started nodding to the beat, losing herself in the music.
What a good idea.
I realized that though it may be nice to have cool videos to show friends where you’ve been, but it is even better to have solid memories full to the brim of enjoyment, happiness, and laughter. Those make the best stories.
And let me tell you, I had such a good time after I decided to try just being present. It was amazing how much you miss when a screen is in front of your face. My friend and I danced the night away.
Indeed, I once heard a quote that said:
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you will ever have.”
– Eckhart Tolle
Thus, I am begging you to please be mindful and be present because the present is all we’ve got.
This is your reminder to live to live, not live to post.
In a word, college can be a wild ride. I can guarantee right now that it will definitely not be a light climb, but a difficult feat. However, don’t let that scare you from pursuing your passions, making your dreams come true, meeting new people, living in the moment, and so much more. It is only when we challenge ourselves that we can learn and grow. Now is your time.