Her Campus is proud to introduce all our collegiettes to HC Hank, HC Harry and HC Henry, your brand new source for romantic advice! Since they’re new to the HC scene, we figured we’d let our readers get to know them a little better. Without further ado, HC UConn presents Hank, Harry and Henry, your new go-to guys.
1. So, who are you guys?
We’re a few dudes who literally know nothing about giving advice, so when Her Campus asked us to write an advice column, we happily accepted. But in reality, we are three of the most average guys who have ever existed, with basically no special qualities at all, so all the answers we give will be from the perspective of the common, simple man.
2. What makes you qualified to give romantic advice?
Between the three of us, we had nine girlfriends in middle school, spanning two countries, resulting in four total kisses. If that isn’t enough qualification to give relationship advice, we don’t know what is.
3. If you could turn any daily activity into an Olympic sport, in what activity would you have a gold medal?
Hank: Probably sitting. I’m an elite sitter.
Harry: The daily task I would chose to turn into an Olympic sport would be procrastination from doing anything productive, and even then I’d still only get a bronze medal because that’s probably good enough.
Henry: Seeing how much food I can eat in one sitting until the point where I feel like a piece of shit.
4. What’s something that someone said that changed the way you think forever?
Hank: Louis C.K once said, “I have a lot of beliefs and I live by none of them. They’re just my beliefs. I just like believing them.”
Harry: Most orchestras are just 1800’s cover bands.
Henry: My friend once told me that a bean bag is just a boneless chair, and I’ve never looked at anything the same… ever.
5. What’s an absurd pickup line (or something you did in general to get a girl’s attention) you’ve used that actually worked?
Hank: I can’t really say that anything I’ve done has actually worked, but I once told a girl who liked Billy Joel that I couldn’t guarantee her the longest time, but I could guarantee an above average time. I then forgot that it takes more than one good sentence to have a conversation, so it’s safe to say that I won’t be seeing her anytime soon.
Harry: I once gave a girl my sweatshirt in gym class because she was cold. I clearly interpreted this as her wanting to date, so I asked her out, and she said yes because she didn’t want to embarrass me in front of the whole class. Sadly, this relationship only lasted a mere 3 days and did not end in holy matrimony.
Henry: One time a friend brought his sister to a party. I jokingly asked him if I should hookup with her, and he obviously said no. For some reason, he then had a change of heart. I’ll spare you all the details, mainly because there are none, but I may or may not have gotten a kiss on the cheek out of it.
6. Why did you decide to join Her Campus?
The wonderful queen Jacqueline Nappo approached us and asked if we would be interested in contributing to Her Campus, and since there is no such thing as His Campus, we felt like we needed to hop on this opportunity.