Over this past summer, I had the privilege of participating in a humanitarian trip for about a week in Jordan, where many refugees of Syrian and Palestinian origin reside to escape their war-torn homelands. After my time there, I was filled with a plethora of feelings — sadness, gratitude, guilt, respect, and determination being just a few. This experience was eye-opening, to say the least, so I decided to reflect on it. If you are interested in going on a trip like this but are worried about performative activism or “voluntourism,” I hope my personal experience can guide you!
I went into the trip knowing that there are causes that I support blindly — issues I’m aware are pressing but have never witnessed firsthand. I heard about the inhumane conditions that refugees are forced to accept and I constantly advocated for their issues, urging my family to donate clothes and money. So, when a trip like this with a familiar religious organization came to my attention, I thought, why not support these causes in person? I prepared myself for traveling across the world, basically solo with a group of strangers whose names I had only read in a group chat, with hopes of having a mentally and spiritually enriching experience.
Before going, I had also heard about how service trips like the one I was embarking on could often do more harm than good in a community. I was worried that my trip would be performative or that I would leave feeling like I did not actually do anything. It made me feel better knowing that I had been following the organization I traveled with for a while and knew that they did quality work. I never saw them post things perpetuating stereotypes or taking advantage of the people they were advocating for in any way; attention was brought to causes tastefully and without disrespecting any individuals. They not only helped the refugee community but empowered them. My first piece of advice here is to go with an organization that you are familiar with and whose initiatives you support. I knew that the cause I was supporting was something that needed attention and help, but I also knew that the organization was genuine.
After this introduction, we visited centers for orphans and for children with disabilities. When we went into the communities themselves, at first, I was incredibly uncomfortable with the number of pictures being taken of my group and me. Additionally, whenever we went into centers, they would welcome us with bubbles, cheering, and music. It almost made me feel like I was being appreciated for no reason. I was thinking, what was I really doing at this point that warranted any kind of celebration? It was heartbreaking for me to see the pain that these children were going through due to the conflicts in their countries, and it felt even worse thinking about what my real role there was. Frustrated and stressed, other members of my group and I with similar thoughts went to our mentor and vented about how our activities thus far felt staged and ingenuine. After speaking to the staff of the trip, we were assured that everyone on this trip felt like that upon arrival. We later learned that at times, they were also uncomfortable with the pictures and celebrations. Since this is their job, they constantly must remind themselves that these pictures are the only way for them to extend the reach of their advocacy. Without them, they cannot receive the bulk of their donations that fund their necessary work. Also, the staff assured us that the celebrations occurring when we visited were because the members of the center were genuinely so excited to have us visit them and were not requirements from the organization. My second piece of advice is to advocate for yourself and what you are uncomfortable with. Opening up conversations with important staff on the trip made me feel much better and allowed me to continue with an open mind.
After we visited these centers, we went on to visit the refugee camps, the bulk of our service. This was easily the most heartbreaking part of the trip. We went to multiple camps, some with better living conditions than others, and I was astonished by how individuals were forced to live due to the conditions of their home countries. It filled me with extreme sadness that even while I was helping these individuals, it felt like I could never do enough for them. I felt disheartened to know that anything I could personally do could not cover the breadth of their issues.
“Oh, the darkness of the prison”
From the above artwork captured from the wall of a refugee camp in Jordan, artist is unknown.
When it came time to leave Jordan, I was extremely sad to part from the staff and girls that I had these long, emotionally exhausting days with. I left with a new family that I will cherish for the rest of my life. However, I also could not shake an intense feeling of guilt; I had always tried to be appreciative of the privilege I had as an American child of immigrant parents. However, I realized there were so many things that I had not even realized I was grateful for, like a sink or a toilet. These were luxuries to refugees that I had taken for granted. I carried on feeling like this even weeks after I came home. It took me a while to realize that no one should live in the way that these individuals are forced to live, so I should not feel guilty. Instead, I should focus my energy on constantly advocating for refugees and fundraising as much as possible to support all the amazing initiatives that I had seen in action firsthand. My last piece of advice therefore comes from this. It is inevitable that you will feel guilty after embarking on a trip like this. Instead of letting it consume you, channel your emotions into continuing your advocacy for what you are passionate about.
All in all, if you are thinking about volunteering with a humanitarian organization, I hope that this article gives you guidance and clarity. This was a life-changing experience for me that I am so thankful for — a learning experience that fueled my passion for further helping underrepresented communities.