We all indulge in it, we all love it, and it’s our guilty pleasure: gossiping. First off, recognize that you are not better than anyone if you claim that you “don’t gossip”. Let’s be real, those who say they don’t indulge in gossip are the ones that start it all. Take this time to admit that you gossip. It’s okay, it’s human nature!
Gossip does not have to be bad, but you know the real intel usually is. The big issue with gossiping is when it’s done stupidly. Yes, there is a smart way to gossip so you don’t get yourself caught in drama. Think back to the times you could have easily avoided drama if you were just a bit more aware of your gossiping tactics. Gossiping is an art and a science. It’s calculated and can get very creative. We are here to give you all the tips and tricks to talk the talk without getting caught.
Be discrete and put those FBI skills to the test.
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If you are gossiping where privacy is compromised, use code names. Although it can get confusing, you can get creative. For example, Dunkin Bae, Girl with them Fleek Brows, Psych Lab Bae, Dr. Biceps from PNB, etc.
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Add some flavor to that gossip and use your multilingual abilities. If you and your gossip squad speak the same language other than English, utilize it.
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Screenshots: they can either save you or create a storm of drama. Be careful what you say through text because you never know who else can see your conversations. If you have something to say, it’s better off said in person or over a phone call.
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If you are trying to communicate with people in the same room via texting, it can sometimes turn around and bite you. Be sly about it just in case the wrong person sees the notification.
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Just because we are in digital times doesn’t mean you should forget analog. Make sure you know the clockwise and counterclockwise orientations. Understand the differences between “my 3 o’clock” and “your 5 o’clock.” It comes in handy when you need to point out the hottie you suddenly spotted in public.
Know your allies and your enemies and know how to utilize them
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Be careful who you gossip with. People are 100% capable of breaking your trust. They may run back to the subject of gossip and create even more drama. Seriously, why do people always run back to those who betray their trust!?
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If you don’t want people knowing your business, don’t tell anyone about it. Take some advice from Pretty Little Liars: two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. In the end, you never know who you can really trust, and you have no obligation to tell the world what’s happening in your life.
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When someone has a reputation for being a gossip, you should probably not tell them stuff, especially if you have been burned by the gossip in your friend group before. Why do you go back to them!?
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But, if you do have breaking news updates that the world needs to know and all you’re missing is the megaphone to tell it with, always tell the town gossip.
If you have some juicy intel you are trying to dish out yourself, don’t be smart and try to jazz it up.
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Only involve relevant people. It’s not a good look to mention someone you don’t know. It will also create a lot of speculation around your story.
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Make sure your story doesn’t contradict itself. Remember testimonies, alibis, and screenshots exist.
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Be careful who you mess with. Just because they seem quiet and in their own world does not mean they won’t have the guts to defend themselves.
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Make sure your story has truth to it. Once it’s proven that you lied, your credibility is gone as well as some of your dignity.
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If you do get caught, own up to it and apologize. Don’t let your “minions” take the fall for you and don’t let your friends talk in your place, it’s very cowardly. Don’t go trying to twist stories around and twist what other people say to save your own butt, you’ll end up looking worse in the end.
Remember gossip queens, it’s not considered gossip if it’s the truth.
-XOXO Gossip Squirrel