Ever wanted to know what actually goes on inside of a guy’s head? We asked our HC Hank, Harry and Henry some burning questions about love, relationships and dating, and they gave us some answers. How good are those answers? Judge for yourself.
Question: Are guys actually afraid of strong women?
Answer: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. ya think? Guys are also afraid of strong animals, like bears and lions and alligators… but not crocodiles. Oh, and other strong guys too.
Question:What do guys look for in a girl?
Answer: Good personality. Pretty face. A pulse. We aren’t too picky.
Question: How do you flirt with a guy?
Answer: Just say anything to a guy and we’ll be astounded that a girl is actually talking to us. You could literally say anything. Some examples:
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“Sup?”
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“What is up?”
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“Got an extra pencil?”
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“I like Chipotle queso.”
Question: How do I know if a guy is into me?
Answer: Ask him to do you a favor that anyone else would probably say no to. If he does it, he’s probably into you. Guys will go to great lengths to impress a girl they like
Question: Is there a way to reject a guy that doesn’t involve giving out a fake phone number?
Answer: Just wear a wedding ring whenever you go out because guys definitely don’t want what they can’t have. Or just actually get married so you don’t have to lie. Honesty is key.
Question: How do I let my partner know that I’m ready to be exclusive?
Answer: Start being really subtle about it. Kick up your rom-com intake and make offhand comments about other couples and the things they’re doing. Say low-key things like, “Oh I wish we would do things like that” and, “We should be exclusive.” Last resort, you introduce him to your family. No one’s ever introduced their fuck buddy to their grandma.
Question: Are guys aware that girls poop and how do they feel about it?
Answer: Girls poop? Hold on, I have to make some calls. I think I just lost a lot of money.
Question: How hard do you stalk girls’ social media pages?
Answer: Definitely not as much as whoever asked this thinks we do.
Question: When do you tell a girl you love her?
Answer: This is a loaded and bullshit question. What actually is love anyway? Isn’t love just a social construct created by the greeting card industry to perpetuate the notion that people need to buy Valentine’s Day cards and anniversary cards and get well soon cards and I’m sorry for your loss cards? Honestly, I’d love it if Hallmark would stop emailing me every other damn day about needing to buy a card for a holiday that doesn’t exist. I don’t give a shit about best friend day and neither should you! Next question.
Question: Where do guys go for relationship advice?
Answer: Other guys who really don’t know shit either, so that’s why there’s such a pool of bad information out there. Guys will ask their female friends for advice when they want honest answers and feedback, but these moments are usually far and few between, so we stick to listening to one another. Hence, the crock of bullshit that we ultimately are going to end up saying to you. So don’t blame us personally when we inevitably say something stupid, blame every guy ever, because it’s been a collective effort in creating this mess.
You’re welcome, collegiettes.
Signed,
Hank, Harry and Henry