At 21 years old, my mom, Yelena, moved to the United States from Moscow, Russia. Since then, she’s managed to leave her family, change her entire life, and create something entirely from scratch. It occurred to me recently that I don’t know enough about her story and her struggles. Therefore, I put together a list of questions, called her, and asked her everything I could think of — put together in this article.
The beginning
My first question was about her life prior to her immigration. She lived in Moscow, Russia for the first part of her life. She went through normal schooling at a specialized English language school, where she had English classes every day of the week. She also attended university in Moscow, where she majored in finance and economics. My wonderful grandparents raised her and her younger brother, Michael. My mom absolutely loves traveling now, which is why it surprised me to hear that traveling wasn’t something she did much of back in Russia. I learned that traveling wasn’t the norm, and it wasn’t until after graduation that she visited the United States for the first time. Her mother had a friend who connected her to a woman in Brooklyn, New York, who she stayed with during her visit. After spending time in New York City and Florida, she decided she quite enjoyed the States.
Soon after this first visit, she was invited to come back by the woman who first hosted her, and upon her arrival, she enrolled in school and began working as a babysitter for a family in Long Island. She told me that she had an array of interesting jobs to make money, including scheduling at a methadone clinic. She graduated again from a school in NYC, got a job that finally required her specific skillset, and began graduate school at the University of Connecticut to pursue an MBA. This is where she acquired a work visa and was able to stay more permanently. At this point, she lived with her best friend, Julia (who also moved from Moscow), in an apartment in New Jersey. She’s told me that the two of them used to watch Friends on repeat to expose themselves to a more casual form of English.
After asking what kinds of struggles she faced, my mom said that a lot of her struggles had to do with being entirely alone for the first time in her life. She had to learn how to pay rent, buy groceries, live on her own, and all the other day-to-day tasks in a foreign language. Even though she went to a specialized English school in Russia, going from structured classes to being completely immersed in the language was definitely not easy. My mom said that she’s glad she moved when she was young because it helped when picking up casual English, but it was still a learning curve.
Why?
One of the bigger questions I had for my mom was why she decided to leave Russia. Her parents, brother, and friends still live there, only visiting infrequently. After moving an hour away for college, I can’t imagine how difficult it was to be away from her family. Her answer was that she believed Russia was too corrupt for her to truly find a valuable and gratifying career. In order to advance in a career, she would’ve needed higher connections, which her family didn’t have. She also told me about the wealth gap in Russia, saying that in most places outside the city, many people live in poor conditions, while the wealthy have an unjustifiable amount of money. Therefore, by moving to the U.S., she was able to further her career and find opportunities that were a better match for her intelligence and determination.
Her success
After moving to NYC, my mom was able to attend school and find job opportunities. She furthered her career in software engineering and earned multiple degrees, including an MBA. She also married my father and moved to Connecticut, where she raised my two siblings and me. After getting married, she obtained a green card and then became a U.S. citizen in 2005. Now, 21 years later, my mom is working as a project manager and has been an incredible mother for 19 years. She was able to create a home for herself and her family, and she told me that she feels more at home here now than she does whenever she’s in Moscow. Even though it is a beautiful country, it’s plagued by a war and politics that affect the life she would’ve had if she stayed. She overcame language barriers by the exposure in her 20s, and created a social circle and support system through friends, school, and work. She obviously misses her parents and brother, but she definitely doesn’t regret her decision and simply wishes they were able to visit more often.
My thoughts
After witnessing my mother spend the last 19 years in Connecticut, I think it makes perfect sense for her to have come here. She has great friends in our neighborhood and did a fantastic job of blending her kids into American culture. I think a lot of kids get to know their parents just as parents, rather than real people. Learning about her life when she was my age was a wonderful experience and helped me get to know her better. It’s still hard for me to imagine her life back in Russia, especially because it seems so removed from our lives here. I learned more about my mom as a person and her life, but she’s also teaching me to value my background and the people that raised me and grew up with me. My mom’s story teaches me to reach for the best opportunities, especially considering she worked so hard for me to have the ones I already do. I am especially grateful that her immigration taught me to see others for who they are as opposed to where they came from or what they look like. I feel so much pride in her journey and hope that I can fulfill the path she created for me.