My relationship with my curly hair has been anything but linear. One of my most vivid memories is from elementary school, crying to my mom because I didn’t like my hair and wishing it were straight. Looking back, I realize that part of the reason I felt this way was that I was one of the only Hispanic girls in my school — I stood out, and I knew I was different from everyone else.
But over the years, my perception has changed. Learning to care for my curls, seeing more representation of natural hair, and embracing my identity have all played a role in helping me appreciate what I once wanted to change. This journey has mattered because it’s been about more than just hair — it’s been about self-acceptance, confidence, and reclaiming a part of myself I didn’t always love
The Struggle to Fit In: How Straight Hair Became My Comfort Zone
I always felt like my curls were too much to manage. Seeing girls with straight hair made it seem like they had everything in life easier. I looked forward to special occasions when I was younger because it meant one thing — I got to have my hair straightened. Since I was too young to style my own hair, I had to rely on my family to do it or wait for an event where it would be done for me.
That all changed when I got to middle school and received my first flat iron for Christmas. And let me tell you, I abused that flat iron. Being so young, I didn’t know how to properly use heat on my hair, let alone take care of it. But honestly, hair care was the least of my concerns at that age. All that mattered to me was waking up and going to school with straight hair. On the days I didn’t have time to straighten it and had to wear it “natural,” I hated it. I put “natural” in quotes because my hair was so damaged it barely curled anymore.
I’ll never forget a moment from freshman year of high school — a boy once said that an upperclassman was “so hot, but she’d be much prettier if she didn’t have curly hair.” I remember feeling caught off guard because, well, I had curly hair. But at the same time, I felt relieved because I rarely ever wore it that way.
High school brought more responsibilities and a busier schedule, which meant less time to do my hair. As a result, I started wearing it “natural” more often, though I still tried to manipulate it. I bought styling products designed to loosen my curls, hoping to maintain some resemblance to straight hair. Looking back at pictures, I laugh at how damaged my hair was — it barely even qualified as curly anymore. I felt confident with straight hair, but curly hair made me feel different, even unattractive.
Things changed during my junior year. I became friends with other girls who had curly hair, and when quarantine hit, I figured it was the perfect time to embrace my natural texture — after all, no one would really see me. I experimented with everything: finger coiling, plopping, scrunching — you name it, I tried it. I also cycled through countless products; some hits, and some misses, until I finally found a routine that worked for me. For the first time, I genuinely started to love my natural hair, and having friends who encouraged me made all the difference.
That lasted for about a year. Then, during my senior year, I got into my first relationship. He never said he disliked my curly hair, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he might think I was prettier with straight hair. And just like that, I fell back into the cycle of straightening it. The only time I truly embraced my curls was during the summer — and honestly, I loved how my hair looked then. But for some reason, I couldn’t stand to wear them any other time of the year.
You’d think that going to a big university would allow me to embrace my natural self, but it honestly did the opposite. Surrounded by so many new people, I felt like I had to present the most “put-together” version of myself — one that, in my mind, still meant straight hair. I convinced myself that I’d be more accepted that way, that I’d blend in more, so I kept straightening it. Plus, I was still in the same relationship, and in my head, there was no reason to change anything.
At the time, I didn’t realize how much I was holding myself back. I was clinging to the comfort of what I had always known, even if it wasn’t truly me. It wasn’t until I started meeting new people — some who confidently wore their natural hair — that I began questioning why I still felt the need to hide mine.
Curly Hair Is Me: The Moment I Fully Embraced My Natural Self
If it weren’t for meeting my now best friend, Rebecca (and also getting out of that relationship), I don’t think I would have ever started wearing my hair naturally. Seeing her embrace her curls with confidence — and how amazing they looked — made me want to give mine another chance. It was the start of my sophomore year, and with so many changes happening in my life, a fresh start with my hair just felt right.
At first, I eased into it. I started wearing my hair curly during the week, testing different techniques and products. But when the weekend rolled around, I always straightened it. For some reason, I had convinced myself that my curly hair wasn’t “good enough” for nights out. Straight hair felt more polished, more predictable, more safe.
Then February came, and with it, Lent. I wanted to challenge myself, so I made a decision that, at the time, felt almost impossible — I gave up straightening my hair for 40 days. No blow dryers. No flat irons. Just me, my curls, and a whole lot of trial and error.
It wasn’t easy. There were days when I felt frustrated, days when I wanted to cave, but each morning, I woke up determined to make it work. I experimented with different styling methods, learned what products actually worked for my hair, and for the first time in years, I saw my curls transform — healthier, bouncier, more alive.
After Lent, I no longer felt the urge to reach for my blow dryer. Wearing my curls had become second nature, and straightening my hair now felt like more work than just letting it be. Plus, I couldn’t ignore how much healthier it looked — less heat damage, more definition, and a shine I hadn’t seen in years.
As the semester came to a close and summer approached, I felt more confident than ever about my natural hair. Summer had always been the one time of year when I embraced my curls, but this time was different — I wasn’t just tolerating them for convenience. I actually loved them.
Throughout the summer, I hardly ever reached for my blow dryer. Between swimming almost every day and the intense humidity, straightening my hair felt pointless. But instead of feeling like I had no choice, I embraced it fully. My curls thrived in the summer air — soaking up the moisture, looking more defined than ever, and for once, I didn’t mind the frizz. I wasn’t fighting my hair anymore. I was finally letting it be.
When I left to study abroad, I faced a decision — if I wanted straight hair, I’d have to buy new hair tools that I’d probably never use again. It didn’t seem worth it, so I let my natural hair flourish. Without the temptation of straightening, my curls grew even healthier, and I became even more confident wearing them. Whether I was heading to class or out to the clubs, my curly hair was just me, and for the first time, I didn’t second-guess it.
At one point, I decided to get my hair done for a trip, and when all my friends saw me, they couldn’t stop commenting on how different I looked with straight hair. But what really stuck with me was when they said, curly hair is you. That was the moment it hit me — no one here knew me as the girl who always straightened her hair. They only knew the version of me who had fully embraced her curls. And honestly? That made me so happy. It was a full-circle moment — after years of struggling to accept my natural hair, I had finally reached a place where my confidence spoke for itself.
The Beauty in Embracing What Makes You Unique
Embracing my curls has brought me so much happiness and confidence. After years of hiding my natural self, I’m grateful to have finally reached a place where I no longer feel the need to. It wasn’t an easy journey, but it was worth it. If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be to stop fighting her curls and start embracing them. I’d tell her she doesn’t need to change her hair to be beautiful, to fit in, or to feel confident. I’d remind her that the very thing she sees as a burden now will one day become her favorite feature. Her curls aren’t something to fix— they’re something to celebrate. And most importantly, I’d tell her that real confidence doesn’t come from looking like everyone else. It comes from loving yourself exactly as you are.
If you’re struggling with embracing your curly hair, just know that you’re not alone. I spent years fighting mine, believing that straight hair was the only way to feel beautiful. But the truth is, your curls are already beautiful — you just have to give yourself the chance to see it. It takes time to find what works for you, and that’s okay. Experiment with different products, try new techniques, and most importantly, be patient with yourself. Your curls are unique to you, and once you learn how to care for them, they’ll thrive in ways you never imagined. So stop fighting them. Stop wishing they looked different. Start embracing them, celebrating them, and wearing them with confidence. Because your natural beauty is something to be proud of — not something to change. And trust me, once you reach that point, you’ll never look back.