Winter is coming to an end, and Valentine’s Day has passed. It’s time for the “spring clean,” aka breakup season. If your relationship has been a casualty of this season, then here are my tips to get through the breakup. Why should you listen to me? I was in a five-year long relationship that ended nine months ago. Since then, I feel like I have been able to learn a lot about myself and relationships. Breakups are never easy. I still have a lot to learn, but I wanted to share what I’ve learned so far.
Feel your Emotions
My first piece of advice is to let yourself feel your emotions. Let it hurt, cry, scream, just let it out. Listen to sad music, eat some ice cream, and watch those comforting romcom movies. If you aren’t feeling sad, that’s okay too. Sometimes there’s a delayed onset. Sometimes you grieve the relationship while still in it, and there is no sadness left. While this state of grief can feel never-ending, there are ways to pull yourself out and start to feel like yourself again.
Lean on your people
Lean on your friends and family; they are there for you. Make plans with them, go out to eat, have a movie night, or just call and talk on the phone. When I ended my long-term relationship, breaking the daily habits was what sucked the most. Instead of quitting “cold turkey,” I shifted the extra energy into my relationships with my friends and family. I texted my best friend good morning and good night for weeks. I met my cousin for lunch regularly throughout the week. I started texting my mom all my random thoughts and experiences throughout the day. In the end, this helped me feel normal every day and strengthened my bonds with my people. This is also the perfect opportunity to put yourself out there, join a new club, or catch up with that friend you have been meaning to make plans with. This is the perfect time to surround yourself with new and old friends.
Spend time with yourself
Conversely, relationships can take up a lot of our time, and when they end, it feels like a void. Lean into it. Find comfort in being alone. This is one of the most important things that you can take out of healing and your single era. Take yourself on dates. Go to the bookstore, the coffee shop, to that new restaurant downtown, or even just out for a walk. Spend this time reflecting and begin to find the joy in your new time. Being comfortable by yourself is one of the most important things to take out of being single.
Therapy can be an immense support as well. I think of it in my own life as alone time because each session is a time to truly connect to and work through the emotions you are feeling. The space that is created within therapy allows an open expression of emotions, experiences, and the gaining of insight into your own behaviors. Working through the details with a professional can help alleviate much of the emotional burden that heartbreak causes. It’s so important to be reflective; therapy can help you learn what you do and don’t want from future relationships and can unlock behavior patterns that the untrained person may be blind to.
Hobbies are Healing
Spend time reconnecting with what makes you feel like you. Maybe that’s painting, reading, or exercising. Hobbies have benefits for both your mental and physical well-being. Dedicating time to your hobbies, which may have been neglected during your relationship, allows you to pursue a different type of passion. Hobbies like writing, scrapbooking, or bracelet making are great for your creativity and mental health. A study by Henry Ford Health found that knitting and crocheting can reduce anxiety and depression. A great hobby to pick up, and my personal favorite, is exercise. This past spring, my best friend and I signed up for a half-marathon that would take place the following fall. Due to this commitment, I had to dedicate five hours a week over the summer to training. I found that any time I was feeling lost, depressed, or anxious, I went for a run. Post-run endorphins dissolved whatever negative emotion I was feeling; instead, I felt accomplished and strong. Whether it be running, walking, biking, or yoga, any movement is beneficial for your physical and mental health. Sweat out the heartbreak.
Music Has an Effect on Emotion
Music can affect your emotions. I was made an empowering playlist by my best friends, which was so impactful in the months after my breakup. These songs helped me feel uplifted and confident. They radiated messages of strength, confidence, and reflection. Of course, listening to sad music after a breakup can be cathartic. However, music with themes of anger, sadness, or hopelessness can increase those emotions in you.
This is why it’s important to have a playlist that makes you feel better, too. Give yourself a set time to listen to the sad songs and transition into listening to more upbeat songs to lift you up and out. Songs that make you want to dance around the room. Songs that remind you of all of the good that remains in your life. I made myself a playlist full of songs that follow the theme of “Busy Woman” by Sabrina Carpenter. I don’t need a partner because I have myself, and I’m too busy doing amazing things.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, you are an amazing individual. A breakup is a chapter in the long book of life. In the months after a breakup, it can be hard to find yourself again. It’s important to grieve and feel the emotions, but it’s also important to pick yourself up and rediscover yourself. Embrace your individuality, passions, and hobbies. A relationship should add to the magnificence that seeps from your pores, and stay strong until you find that.