Long term dating looks a lot different than the beginning. It’s steadier, quieter. Hangouts and phone calls feel less about constant excitement and start to feel a little bit… predictable. And while comfort and security are important, effort and intentionality are too. But don’t worry! These shifts don’t mean that anything is wrong, just that you’ve moved past the butterflies and bliss of the honeymoon phase. And while phases change, your connection doesn’t have to.
If your relationship feels like it’s been turned on autopilot, here are a few ways to bring back the spark without any drastic changes.
1. Put your phone away
These days, our lives revolve around our phones. But your relationship doesn’t have to. It’s easy to spend time together while scrolling, lost in an alternative reality. But this habit can create distance, even if you’re sitting right next to each other. Try setting boundaries with screen time. Go for a walk without checking notifications every few minutes. Put your phones away for dinner, or just leave them in another room and talk. Giving each other your full attention, even for a short period of time, can make your relationship feel intentional again.
2. Ask better questions
A lot of long term conversations tend to start out the same way: work, school, what’s for dinner. While these basic topics are important, they aren’t helping to build a stronger connection. Instead of “How was your day?” try asking something more intentional. What is something that you’re looking forward to? Is anything stressing you out lately? What’s a goal you have for yourself?
Questions like this lead the way to more meaningful conversations, which can help build deeper connections. When you stay curious about your partner, your relationship feels more personal.
3. Show appreciation
At the beginning of a relationship, gifts and kind words come often. Over time, we assume our partner knows how we feel and the sweet gestures slow down. But appreciation and surprises shouldn’t disappear with comfort. Compliment them randomly, surprise them with their favorite snack, or write a sweet note. Feeling seen is one of the most powerful ways to keep a relationship feeling fresh. When both people feel valued, the spark will continue to thrive.
4. bring back physical touch
Physical touch often slows down after the newness wears off. But small, touchy actions can reinforce the connection in ways that words can’t. Make purposeful moves to feel more physically connected with your partner. Hold hands, hug for longer, and sit closer on the couch. Physical touch creates a sense of closeness and reassurance without any grand gestures. It reminds you that you’re partners, not just roommates.
5. purposeful meals together
Instead of eating meals glued to the television, try to make mealtime more intentional. Cook something together. Set the table. Try a new food. Take this time to talk without any distractions. Meals can be a guaranteed time to reconnect and check in during stressful weeks of work or school. Take this time to breathe and be present over a meal with your partner. By turning ordinary mealtimes into a planned activity, the every day activity will feel just a little more meaningful.
6. spend time alone
It might sound counterproductive, but one way to keep your relationship thriving is to make time for yourself. When you spend time apart, you bring fresh energy back to your relationship. Get coffee with friends, read a new book, take a walk through nature, or find a spot to sit. Taking time for yourself will allow you to bring your best self into your relationship each day. Missing each other will help make reuniting feel exciting rather than routine. Healthy space is a sure way to prevent comfort from turning into complacency.
7. Plan New experiences
Long term relationships don’t usually lose their spark because of a lack of love, they lose it because of repetition. Set aside time regularly to try new things together. Try a restaurant you’ve never been to. Explore a new part of campus. Go to an event or place you wouldn’t normally attend. Play a new game together. Even something small, like picking a new walking route, can shift the energy between you. New environments create new conversations, memories, and new aspects of each other to discover. Sometimes, all it takes is to try something new.
8. learn a hobby
Instead of lounging or watching TV, try building something together. Learning a new hobby together adds a new level of connection to your relationship. Hobbies can be as simple as cooking new recipes, going to the gym together, or as complicated as learning a new language. The goal isn’t to be perfect, it’s to experience and learn together. When you’re both beginners, there’s room for laughter, encouragement, and shared accomplishment. Growing keeps your relationship active and reminds you that you’re evolving through life together.
9. make a shared goal
Relationships feel exciting when there’s something to look forward to. Set a goal that you can both work toward. Saving for a trip, running a 5K, cook at home more often, visit a new place, or even as simple as organizing or redecorating a room. Having something to build together shifts the energy from going through the motions to bettering yourselves. Continuing to be purposeful about your goals and aspirations together helps reinforce that you’re partners, not just coexisting.
10. go back to the beginning
Sometimes, the best way to make everything feel new again is to go back to where it all started. Recreate your first date, look back at old photos, or visit a familiar place. Reflecting on how far you’ve come together reminds you why you chose each other in the first place. Nostalgia brings back strong emotions and reminds you that a long term relationship is truly about choosing each other again and again.