I am writing this article in honor of LGBTQIA+ History Month. Bisexuals get kind of a bad rep, inside and outside of the LGBTQIA+ community. Aside from the fact that everyone thinks we don’t know how to sit in chairs properly(which is true: we really can’t sit in a chair), we face a lot of ridicule about the way we identify. I am a woman and I identify as bisexual. Here are a few stereotypical things I have come across in my coming out journey that I feel are important to share.
1. “Claiming to be bisexual means you think there are only two genders.”
The term “bisexual” is subjective. Those who identify as bisexual have their own view on what it means to them. Take me for example. For me, bisexual means two or more. Personally, I feel attraction to male, female, and nonbinary people. Some people would choose to define this as pansexual, however I choose to define myself as bisexual. Again, bisexuality is not a way to exclude people who do not conform to binary gender.
2. “You’re actually just gay/straight.”
This is a ridiculous one. Bisexuality is misunderstood by many. It is possible to feel attraction toward more than one gender. No, I am not just trying to hide my true identity. No, I’m not scared to come out as gay. And no, I am not just “experimenting” or “curious” about people of the same sex. Bisexual is a valid sexual orientation.
3. “You’re attracted to anything that moves.”
How insulting! Just because one has the ability to feel attraction for anyone does not mean that they are actually attracted to everyone. This one really stings because it makes us sound barbaric. We do have standards. We do have preferences. We do have a type. And it takes more than just “being alive” to feel attraction towards someone. We are not animals.
4. “You’re being greedy. Leave some for the rest of us!”
Greedy? Really? This makes us sound like all we do is skip from person to person, or that we are with multiple people at once. Now, I can’t speak for all bisexual people, but I prefer a relationship with one person at a time. I don’t feel a constant need to steal other people’s significant others. I find someone I connect with and I stick with them.
5. “You’re looking for attention.”
Here’s the thing. The past few years, as the LGBTQIA+ community has become more open and normalized in our society, there have been instances where people have claimed to be gay in order to gain attention. However, 99% of the time, this is not the case. It’s hard enough to come out to people. Why would anyone fake coming out if they don’t have to? I promise you, if someone comes to you and says that they are bisexual, you can go ahead and believe them, because there’s a damn good chance (close to 99.99%) that they are telling the truth.
6. “So you think it’s trendy.”
Same message as #5. Don’t belittle someone’s coming out journey by accusing them of faking to seem cool. You’re a jerk if you do that and it’s really not appreciated.
7. “So you must love threesomes.”
This is just a disgusting assumption for a few reasons. Having a threesome is something that is decided between people. Sure, there are some people who seek them out, but a majority of people would just prefer the classic one-on-one intimacy with another person. Assuming that just because I am attracted to men and women would mean that I would want to be with both simultaneously is very offensive and demeaning. It’s really terrible how often bisexuals are pursued by straight couples who are looking to have a threesome. We’re not some toy you can use to “spice things up.” We are people who want real relationships.
8. “You’re more likely to cheat.”
Not true at all. I am bisexual. I have been in a relationship with the same person for well over two and a half years now. We are very happy. I have never had any desire to cheat or to leave him for another person. Bisexuals have hearts and morals the same as any other person. We can control ourselves, I promise.
9. “You’re just scared of commitment.”
Nope. There are so many bisexuals who are happily married. One example is Jason Mraz. He is attracted to both men and women, and he is happily married to his wife. There are so many of us out there who look for connection and commitment the same way anyone else does.
10. “You’re in a heterosexual/homosexual relationship, so you’re not actually bisexual.”
I saved this one for last because it is the most important one to me personally. I am a female. I am dating a man. This does not erase my bisexual identity. I am, and always will be, bisexual. That is a part of me, and it doesn’t disappear depending on the person I am in a relationship with.
I chose to remain anonymous for this particular article because my coming out journey is not complete yet. There are family members that I have not yet had the conversation with, however I would love for them to be able to read my work. For that reason, I have chosen to refrain from connecting my name to this piece, though I am very proud of it. I want to give a shout out to my boyfriend, who we’ll call Douglas for anonymity. He has always accepted me and supported me throughout my journey, never once judging me for being bisexual. I love you Douglas.