Throughout my life, friends have come and gone. It was only as I got older that losing friends really started to affect me. I felt I needed to hold on to these people in order to be happy. Nobody wants to be the only one sitting alone at lunch or trying to avoid lunch all together because you don’t want to seem like you have no friends to eat with. It was only after not having friends and eating lunch alone that I truly realized what kind of a friendship I had been in. As much as I did not want to be alone, I was better off in my own company than emotionally exhausting myself everyday. When I look back, there were certain things that really stand out as being toxic in my past friendships.
They’re jealous
Whatever I had, they wanted, but better. Whether it was a boy, a volunteer position, a grade, or literally anything else, they had to have it. If they couldn’t get it, they turned around and talked bad about it and me. Constantly being in a competition, or being bad-mouthed if it couldn’t be turned into a competition, is exhausting.
All you ever talk about is them
Friendship should be an equal balance of give and take. It can be exhausting constantly hearing about someone else’s accomplishments, success, and how great their life is. Because we get it. You are freaking amazing. The world is your oyster. But I have accomplishments and successes too. I am doing pretty great, thank you for asking.
They’re full of “constructive” criticism
Sure they say they are trying to help you and that it is constructive criticism but sometimes it’s just downright mean. Nobody needs that, not now or ever. I don’t need to be subtly fat shamed, treated like I’m stupid and can’t understand something, or told I look like I was just swept up in a tornado. If I cared that I look like a mess don’t you think I would have done something about it?
You’re in constant competition with their other friends
There is nothing wrong with having more than one friend. However it is different when you feel like you are constantly fighting for a minute to talk to them or even a slight acknowledgement that you are in the same room. I find myself mentally too tired to play those games and honestly, I shouldn’t have to fight for attention.
They can’t be trusted with your secrets
There is nothing worse than everyone knowing all of your private business. It is yours and when you choose to tell someone it’s because you expect utter secrecy. When your trust is betrayed, it is something that can not be taken back. Especially if it happens more than once, and if it does, really reevaluate your friendship, like asap, because if you wanted the world to know, you would have told them yourself.
It took me a long time to fully grasp the detrimental effects of a toxic friendship. Friends are great and they can be an amazing support system, but they do come and go. Learning to love yourself and being content with your own company is extremely beneficial, for your sanity and prosperity, because in the end, you only have yourself, and you are enough.
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