Relationships take work and adding distance to the equation can make things even more difficult. But according to my friend, “it gets better when you’re willing to put in the work”. I caught up with her a few days ago and somewhere amongst the usual topics, her relationship came up. Having been in a long-distance relationship for almost as long as I’ve known her, I was sure she could offer a wealth of information. She went above and beyond, offering insight that I hadn’t even thought to ask her about. Here are some glimpses of the open, honest conversation that followed:
How did you and your boyfriend meet?
We met at PLH, the on-campus residence we both lived in. We didn’t really talk that much, I always thought he was really attractive, but I was involved with someone else at the time. Things quickly ended when my then-boyfriend slept with someone else.
I had come home from a night out, really drunk, and we met each other at the cafeteria. We had sex, but after that I felt super awkward with him, almost like I shouldn’t have done that; the guy I was with before was friends with him and so that made it even more awkward.
Christmas holidays came around and we both went back home. Come the new year, I decided there was no point in making things awkward so we had dinner together at the caf again. We went to a hockey game later that night and it was really fun, but I wasn’t sure if he remembered we slept together a few months back.
So I asked him one night and we just kept on talking for the rest of the night. We would spend nights together in my room just talking. I can’t even remember about what now (laughs).
The PLH caf, where it all began
What advice would you give to people getting into a long-distance relationship?
Lots of communication. Facetime sex. Texting them as much as you can. It’s hard ‘cause you cant see everything he does and vice versa, but texting and facetime make it a lot easier. I was never really expressive when we lived together- he would have to pry out my feelings trying to know how I felt. But now whenever I have a problem I express myself better. We also try to never go to bed angry at each other, with a dark cloud over our heads.
Its also very important to set a day to see each other in person- it can almost become pointless if you don’t. When you see each other, everything makes sense again.
Be patient. Facetime the other person when you have a problem. Talk about it face to face; when you text, things can come off as passive aggressive and distorted- not actually what you meant to say
What do you wish you knew getting into this relationship?
I don’t know if I would say I wish I knew anything. Its definitely something you have to learn, between you and your partner- it doesn’t come naturally. What someone else tells you may not work for everyone.
Would you say you regret any of the stages of your relationship?
Definitely not. I’ve grown a lot as a person. Before him, I didn’t want marriage, kids, any of that. I loved to play games, power and mind games, that kind of thing. But now I’ve learnt so much about myself and how I am in relationships. Wack sometimes. But that’s something I really think I wouldn’t have been able to learn by myself.
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