The holiday season is the most wonderful time of the year! Right? Well, at least that’s what it is in theory. But throw in some exams, end of semester deadlines, and the prospect of seeing that one relative (we all have one!), and you have a recipe for a stressful disaster. If you ask me, these factors can converge to quickly make the holiday season the most awful time of the year. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Read on to hear my top six tips for dealing with that one relative, whoever they are, that just might put a damper on your festive cheer.
- Know What Your Boundaries Are, And Stick To Them!
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We all have our own personal boundaries, and around the holidays these boundaries become more important than ever. Whether it is refusing to listen to prejudiced comments, preferring to not show physical affection, or even choosing to not see that one relative, your feelings are completely valid. If over the course of the holiday season, you feel that things are becoming too much, I encourage you to remember these boundaries and see them through by removing yourself from the space, not responding to comments, or even speaking up about your own feelings and limitations.
- Check Your Expectations
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It’s so easy to expect the picture-perfect family holiday, especially in the age of Instagram and Pinterest. However, not only is it so important to acknowledge that these images are staged, but that almost no family event will ever turn out perfect. By checking your expectations, you not only prepare yourself for that almost inevitable outburst from your Aunt Sally or drunken political commentary from your Uncle Bob, but you can prepare your reaction to these events, which will make keeping your cool so much easier.
- Make Time For Self Care
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Not only is the holiday season situated right around exams, but there is a multitude of unusual events that are very far from our everyday routines. This can very quickly turn the most wonderful time of year into the most stressful. As such, not only is it super important that you give yourself credit, but that you take some time for yourself during this very overwhelming time. So take that bubble bath, read that book, or bake those cookies! Whatever you need to do to remain sane and happy, do it!
- Put The Booze, Or Joint If You’re Into That, Away
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During the holidays, it is incredibly easy to overindulge. From food, to drinks, and everything in between, saying no to just one more glass of wine, one more plate of food, or one more puff off that joint can be very difficult, especially if you are feeling angry or stressed. While you shouldn’t feel the need to completely restrict yourself, I would suggest that you keep your limits in mind, and to not turn to a certain substance to cope with the stress of your difficult family members, as this can add to the problem very quickly.
- Reach Out
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While perhaps some of your family members are difficult, surely there are also family members who truly value and love you. Your friends–the family which you choose for yourself–love and value you as a person as well. Rather than dwell on the obscene thing that that one relative did at the dinner table, I encourage you to focus on the time you are spending with those who you love the most. Regardless of if you get to spend the holidays with this support group or not, prioritize reaching out to those who make you feel happy and cared for. A simple phone call to your best friend, or a rant to your sibling can do wonders for your mental health. Remember, it is 100% okay to ask for support when you feel that you need it.
- Remember That You Are Not Alone
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As I noted at the beginning of this article, we all have that one relative. Be it a racist Grandma, a creepy Uncle, an overdramatic Aunt, or anything and everything in between, nobody’s family–or family events–are perfect. Personally, I can remember several of my own family Christmases that look at bit like a scene from “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”. Remember that you are not “weird” for having a dysfunctional family member or stressful get-togethers. If anything, I would go as far as to say that these difficult family members are what make us and our families “normal”. So don’t stress too much, we’re all in this together!