Being in your twenties is supposed to mean growing up, so why are we still acting like we’re in high school? The mean girl epidemic is alive and well, and honestly, it’s getting old. This is a reminder that being a “girls’ girl” isn’t just a cute label; it’s about how we treat the women around us.
There is something so embarrassing about being a grown woman and still acting like the high school bully who made people nervous to sit at their table. At some point we have to stop blaming that behavior on being “petty,” “real,”or having a “strong personality.” Babe, you are not brutally honest or intimidating; you are just making another woman’s life harder for no reason!
I think somewhere along the way being a “girls’ girl” became more of an aesthetic versus genuinely caring about the women you interact with. It became matching outfits and social media hype, but the second a man is in the picture, everything disappears. Being a “girls’ girl” should mean more than calling every girl your “bestie” when drunk in the bar bathroom. It should show up in the way you treat women when nobody is watching, especially the ones you don’t know, don’t like, or don’t think you have anything to gain from.
Because let’s be honest, mean girl behavior did not disappear after we walked across that stage at graduation. It just got better at hiding. Today’s mean girl isn’t always the girl loudly making fun of someone. Sometimes she’s the “friend” making a joke at your expense, or the girl who gives you a backhanded compliment and calls it honesty; it’s even the girl who’s as sweet as can be to your face but makes snarky comments the second you leave the room… Today’s mean girl is passive-aggressive, subtle, and unfortunately way easier to excuse.
Some Of You Never Left High School
College is supposed to be the place you find your people (or so I’m told). You meet new friends, try new things, and even build relationships to last a lifetime. But sometimes you fall into a friend group where the social politics make it seem like we never left high school.
If I have one piece of advice, STAY AWAY FROM BIG FRIEND GROUPS!!
There is always the possibility that the friend group becomes more competitive than friends. Who’s going where? Who’s mad at who? Not only who is being talked about in the group chat, but who’s saying what to whom?
We have all seen how quickly a small disagreement can turn into a full investigation. Suddenly everyone has an opinion, screenshots are being passed around, and people who were not even involved are choosing sides. Instead of communicating like adults, some people would rather turn a private issue into public entertainment.
And the worst part is that the behavior gets excused because everyone involved are “friends.” Apparently being close to someone means giving them permission to embarrass you, make jokes at your expense, or just talk bad about you behind your back.
It does not BTW!
Why Would You Ever Compete For A Man?
If you want to see how quickly “girls’ girl” energy disappears, spend a night out paying attention to how women treat each other. Going out should be about having fun, dancing with friends, and making memories. Instead, today’s mean girl will turn the night into an unspoken competition over who gets the most attention.
One experience that my friends and I have shared is girls shamelessly flirting with their boyfriend in front of them. It’s one thing to have a conversation with someone without knowing their relationship status, but it’s another thing to bluntly cross a boundary in front of their partner.
What are we trying to prove here?
If a woman is deliberately flirting with someone they know is in a relationship just to get a reaction out of another woman, it’s not confidence; it’s unnecessary disrespect. Another woman’s relationship is not an opportunity to test your influence on the male species.
Now I’m not saying every interaction between a man and a woman is disrespectful, but women should not treat each other like competition over a man. The issue isn’t just talking to someone else’s boyfriend; it’s intentionally trying to embarrass another woman or creating unnecessary tension. We both know what you are doing.
We should be able to go out without feeling like we are being sized up by every woman in the room. We should be able to compliment another girl’s outfit, dance with our friends, and enjoy ourselves without worrying that someone is looking for an opportunity to create drama.
The club is not a competition, and the women around you are not your opponents. There is enough room for everyone to have a good night without making another girl the punchline.
I’m Tired Of Backhanded Compliments
Mean girl behavior is not always loud; sometimes it comes disguised as a compliment.
“You look so good! I could never wear something like that.”
“I’m surprised you got that internship.”
“You’re actually really pretty in person.”
If you have ever received a compliment that somehow made you feel worse about yourself, you know exactly what I mean. These comments are designed to sound nice enough that calling them out makes you seem sensitive, but shady enough that you know for a fact there was something behind them.
And then you have the passive aggression: the shady remarks, the sudden cold shoulder, and all the unnecessary BS that follows. Instead of communicating like an adult, some people would rather make everyone else guess what they did wrong.
And not to mention, if you react in any way, suddenly you can’t take a joke. Funny how that works.
There is definitely a difference between playful teasing and making little digs at someone to keep them feeling insecure. You can compliment another woman without adding a comparison. You can celebrate her success without making it about yourself. You can think someone looks amazing without following it up with a comment about what you would never wear.
Not every interaction needs a hidden meaning, and not every woman is secretly competing with you. Sometimes, another girl really does just look good. Let her.
Being A Girl’s Girl Starts With You
At some point, we have to decide what kind of woman we want to be. The one who makes other women feel welcome or the one everyone warns their friends about? The friend who celebrates your wins or the one secretly praying on your downfall?
Because being in your twenties and still acting like a high school mean girl isn’t cute; it’s embarrassing. No one is handing out trophies for being the prettiest, the pettiest, or the girl who can make the room uncomfortable the fastest. And if your entire personality depends on tearing other women down, maybe it’s time to find a hobby.
Your twenties are too short to spend them competing with other women. So grow up, fix your attitude, and stop confusing being a mean girl with having a “blunt” personality. Making another woman uncomfortable does not make you the star of the show, and being the girl no one can trust around men is not the flex you think it is. One day the looks fade, the drama gets old, and the people you tried so hard to impress moved on a long time ago.
All you are left with is the reputation you built for yourself. Being a girl’s girl will never be embarrassing, but being the girl everyone has a negative story about- that’s embarrassing.