Have you ever noticed that after hanging out with your friends, you start to act like them – or maybe even think like them? Maybe in a high-stress situation, such as taking a test or entering your first job interview, you catch yourself subconsciously channeling their energy. You overcome your challenges the way they would, pick up their way of speaking, emulate their confident demeanor, or even mirror their bold outlook on life.
I know it’s happened to me countless times. The truth is, my friends’ lives are inevitably intertwined with my own, their influence present wherever I go. But how is it that friends have the ability to shape each other in such a way?
The answer is social learning theory: a psychological concept in which you unconsciously imitate the behaviors of others from watching how they act in society. By spending time with your friends and observing them, you naturally start to adopt their habits, attitudes, and thoughts they present. Your friends are more influential than you realize; they have the ability to mold you like clay, to either transform you into a work of art, or flatten you like a pancake. With this in mind, I realized that the kind of person I wanted to become – from conscientious to compassionate – depended largely on the company I kept.
Good Friendships Make You a Better Person
In order to be the best version of myself, I realized I needed to surround myself with friends who exhibit high-quality traits in themselves. It was thanks to one of my dearest friends that I learned how to cope healthily with the heaviest burdens life has to offer. No matter how bad things got in her life, she faced adversity with a positive mindset, telling herself that it was up to her in order to determine her future, and that perseverance would lead her to prevail. I always admired her for this, and the more time I spent with her, the more I began to recognize my ability to practice this mindset in myself.
Simply by having such a great human being for a friend, my life began to improve significantly, and so did my ability to remain resilient and optimistic. Without her, I would’ve never learned just how great life can be when you’ve got the right skills and attitude to navigate the hardships that life will throw at you. In a way, she’s molded me into the person I am now, and I am forever grateful for that.
Bad Friendships Can Stunt Your Growth
However, it’s possible you can become the worst version of yourself, too. Nobody wants to be somebody they’re not proud of, but it happens, and it’s even more likely to happen with toxic or draining friendships. Remember when I said some friendships have the ability to flatten you like a pancake? I once had a friend who would frequently criticize others and expect me to do the same. Pessimism and immaturity are contagious, and these friendships confine you to a life of negativity.
These kinds of friends aren’t really friends – not when they put you through emotional turmoil and distress, distorting your sense of self and harming your ability to cope with the stressors of life. When I spent time with the friends who exhibited negative traits, from controlling behavior to constant cynicism, I remember myself slowly starting to become that way, too. I wasn’t the kind of person I wanted to be, and my company wasn’t helping me either.
Find The Right Friends
Looking back on my past, I can see how much my friends over the years have shaped me – some for the better, while others not so much. The people that make up my life have influenced my growth and identity in ways I honestly never would’ve guessed. After realizing just how much influence friends can have on my life, I’ve started to become more intentional about the kinds of companions that make my community, and more attentive to how my own actions and qualities can affect them, too.
Think about the friends you have now. Ask yourself: “Are my friendships helping me to grow to my fullest potential, or are they holding me back from who I can become?” I asked myself the same question only a few years ago, and when I wasn’t happy with the answer, I knew it was time to make a change. Don’t be afraid to put more effort in bonding with the friends who make you feel happy. The more you prioritize your own growth and good companionship, the less space you’ll automatically have for the people that held you back.
The person I am now is nothing like the person I was before meeting my wonderful friends. I’m so grateful for all the growth I’ve experienced in this life, all thanks to the wisdom and kindness my friends have shared with me.
If there is anything I’ve learned from them, it’s to surround yourself with friends whose values and character inspire you most – because you are the clay, and your friends are the hands that shape you into who you become.