Why do adopted children look like their parents?

Have you ever noticed that a lot of adopted children get told they look like their adoptive parents? As someone that comes from a blended family, this phenomenon has always made me wonder, just why does this happen? Children’s parental figures, personal style, and facial expressions all affect the way they grow up to look. 

Facial Expressions  

As humans, we are social creatures. When people are around each other they mimic each other’s facial expression.  Children learn to express and regulate their emotions from their parental figures. This is called an attunement. Attunement leads to the child developing “affect regulation,” which helps the child understand the correct facial expressions to match his or her emotions. Children learn to navigate social interactions through facial expressions. Think of someone saying, “I’m fine” with a furrowed brow. While they are saying everything is okay, we can tell that they might not be telling the complete truth through facial expressions. An indirect effect of attunement is that the child’s facial expressions look a lot like his or her parents. Children mirror the facial expressions of their parents. So, even when two people don’t share genes, they could still have the same smile, laugh, or frown. 

Style  

People’s styles can often change their appearance. Have you ever seen a 30-year-old with a pixie cut, or a 60-year-old wearing the latest trend? They often look older or younger than they truly are. This is called ‘Retrospective Aging’. The reason that old people look older in their photos of when they were younger is because they are wearing what was trending in their formative years. A similar effect is found with adoptive families; the people that you are around shape your features unknowingly.  

Growing up kids are dressed and have their haircut chosen by their primary caretakers. Through this we become comfortable in a certain style and fit of clothing. Student Julia Schockley was adopted at two years old. She says that she got her style from her adoptive mother, “ It is what I was raised to wear and we think the same things are comfortable.” In the same way that old people still look old in their younger photos because of their clothing, children, like Julia, look more like her mother in similar clothes. 

Perception 

People don’t really have an attention to detail. When we see a person with similar features, big or small, we make assumptions. When someone is told that two people are related, they will assume the two look alike. Even with small things like skin or hair color, we don’t really investigate the differences. Breanna O’Brien, who was adopted around 6, says she was raised by her adoptive father and is told regularly her kids look like him. Specifically, her oldest son Paxton, “They have the same color hair, that’s it” She pointed it out. People look at things like race, gender, hair color, and eye color to determine when two individuals look alike. These characteristics are very broad; they are categories that could be tied to many individuals at once. 

These assumptions are a different type of confirmation bias.This can be shown to a T when Shockley says she gets told her and her mother look alike because, “we are both blonde and skinny and white.” We make assumptions whenever we hear that two people are related. We attach common features like blonde hair -and sometimes genetics- to resemblance. These two women are mother and daughter IE : they look alike. Even when some features are completely different.

At the end of the day, family is the people you love unconditionally. Whether you look exactly like them or completely different, the bond is what matters. So, next time you snort while laughing or wear your favorite pj’s remember the people who those things came from.