I believe I speak for a lot of women when I say that it’s in our nature to let the person that we are dating consume us. Our thoughts, our daydreams, our mental state, and our lives tend to revolve around that person. This can be so scary, especially as we get older and have more life experiences that teach us that this isn’t necessarily the ideal of what women want in a partnership. There are ways that we can rewrite this feeling that is innate in us and finally choose ourselves, although it may be difficult. Here are some ways to manage centering yourself.
Decentering a man doesn’t mean man-hatred or misandry; it simply means you’re not making a man the center of your world. Once you give up the things that matter to you, you put him in the forefront, you put his feelings before yours, you give up your friends and family, you put everything he wants first, that is when you are officially male-centered.
Here are some things I have learned through research and things that I try to implement in my life as well.
1. Centering you.Â
When you don’t allow men to take up space in your head, you automatically give all that power back to yourself. You stop craving validation and gain control over your own self, your feelings, and your thoughts. It’s really just claiming yourself back from the power of men.
2. Your energy.Â
A woman’s energy is so precious and valuable that it should not be given blindly; give it to someone else. Feminine energy is truly a gift, and once you start focusing on yourself and other women around you, you start to realize that other feminine energies are empowering\, healing, and strong. Thus, realizing that it is the energy that a woman focused on decentering men is in need of.
3. Discernment.Â
By definition, discernment is the ability to judge well. This ties in because when centering men, it is easy to ignore red flags even though you are fully aware you shouldn’t, and letting a man cross your boundaries, that you established with him, because “you like him,” no girl, he’s testing your boundaries, and the more you let him cross them the more miserable you will be.Â
I, as well as many other women, tend to have this issue where we start questioning, “why aren’t they doing this?” “why can’t they change?” “Why haven’t they….” Stop right there, that is the problem. At that point, you are depending on other people and waiting on them to move forward just so you feel like you can. That is not living for you; that is living for someone else. And that is not a way to live your life. Change out those thoughts for, “Do they fit into my life?” “Is this good for me?” “Is this somebody I still want to have in my life?” Be selfish and cater to yourself; you are the only one in charge of your feelings.
If you don’t like how someone is acting, change the way you act. Don’t change them; you wouldn’t want someone to change you, so change your own behavior. No amount of begging or explaining is going to make them understand is going to get you the results that you want. The change starts within you, not within somebody else. From there, they can decide to stay with you or not. But you have to be okay with that. Just focus on you.Â
These are some hard lessons to learn and to implement into your life, but once you start focusing on yourself, doing your own thing, and letting your partner also do their own thing, then you can lead such a peaceful life when you just stop caring about them and pour all your energy into yourself first. Choose yourself.Â