For the longest time, I wanted to be the main character – someone special and important. Of course, I wanted that until I discovered how exhausting it actually was, always feeling like I had to be interesting, productive, or magnetic in some way. To me, being the “main character” meant being the person who stood out the most– the one with the craziest stories to tell, a super aesthetic lifestyle and the sense that I’m at the center of something important. Like a spotlight shining on all my glory for everyone to see. But constantly striving for that kind of life, the one where I’ve got the central role on stage, was extremely overwhelming.
In all the movies and TV shows I’ve watched growing up, the protagonist is always at the center of the action. That also means they’re constantly dealing with a whole bunch of challenges, conflicts, and dreadful life pressures.There’s always something that the main character is going through – it’s what makes them the central figure of the story, after all. But life’s constant demands can just become too much sometimes.
While I want to be someone important, I’ve realized that I don’t always want to be the main character. Sometimes, I just want to simply exist. That’s where third places come in – a place that’s not home nor work, but a special kind of space where I can step away from all the action and chaos of life and just be.
The local coffee shop in my hometown was where I first discovered the magic of third places. A quaint little cafe, with wall art of mountains and warm-toned lighting. I don’t remember what I was even doing there – I don’t even drink coffee! But I do remember that it was one of the most stressful days of my life. I’d just failed an exam that was going to do irreparable damage to my grade, and therefore (being someone who correlates GPA with my sense of self) I was in complete and utter despair. To me, failing that exam meant I wasn’t as good as I initially thought I was, and therefore I wasn’t important. I just had to leave school at that point, but I knew that if I went home, that failed exam was all I’d be thinking about. The coffee shop was my escape.
Just stepping inside with a light jingling bell above the door, I was completely transformed. It was like I left my life’s problems at the entrance and forgot all about it by the time I ordered a random drink and sat down. There were no expectations for me, no obligations for me to constantly perform at the expense of my own well-being. Just sitting there by myself, now a quiet background character rather than a restless protagonist was an absolutely freeing experience.
I used to correlate being important with being the hard-pressed main character who always excelled at everything no matter the challenge. That meant that all those background extras who spent their time doing “nothing” faded into insignificance. My ambitious arrogance blinded me from the fact that always trying to be the best was an exhausting and unrealistic expectation. In order to actually make something of myself, I needed to find the time to recuperate and come back ready to succeed.
Now, I see how important it is to be that person who blends in with the tranquil environment of a third space every once in a while. It’s like I’m still on the stage, but instead of worrying about the next big plot twist or some huge conflict, I simply get to enjoy the setting around me. Third places, whether they be coffee shops, book stores, the gym, or even the library, are the perfect place to detach from the chaos of that main character lifestyle – a place to exist only in the moment without expectation or worry.
So, maybe I don’t always need to be the main character. Constantly being the center of attention, the figure in the spotlight on stage, isn’t everything I once thought it was. I’ve now discovered the power of the third space, where I feel just as important without all that trouble. It’s in those moments when I’m present in my third space, the local coffee shop, that I find a true sense of peace and quiet. Life slows down there, and I finally catch a break – a moment where I can step off the stage and just be myself.
When life gets too overbearing, I make sure to have a bunch of third spaces to fall back on. Unfortunately, I no longer live near that wonderful coffee shop, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have any more go-to places. The library, the local bookstore, and even the nearby park have been the perfect sanctuaries for me to find the balance between life and peace of mind. I’m lucky to have these spaces to go to; as of right now, so many third spaces are closing down or becoming a sort of “pay-to-stay” kind of environment. For this, I recommend exploring the public facilities that have no cost – libraries, parks, beaches, hiking trails, and even certain museums that are free to enter. Third spaces can still be found once you know where to look, and they’re worth finding – especially to escape the havoc that life creates. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to just step off that stage of life, quit trying to perform at your best all the time, and enter a third space to simply exist.