Hear me out, I understand that the title of this article is controversial, and you’re thinking, “What is she talking about this time?” However, yes, I am here in defense of people who have gotten back with their exes. On Valentine’s Day this year, I noticed a lot of people hard-launching their ex-partners on my Instagram, and to be honest, I was shocked. It opened my eyes to the possibility that getting back with an ex isn’t as bad as people make it seem.
I want to clarify right off the bat that I think there are only certain and specific situations where a couple should get back together. If there was an unfair power dynamic, abuse, manipulation, or cheating, then I would say in any case like this, getting back together is not a plausible option. However, if there is mutual respect during the relationship and breakup, then I don’t see why not.
If your relationship was toxic, please do not take this article as your sign to reconcile with them!
And also, keep in mind, not everybody is willing to take the time to heal and work on themselves.
People Can Change
When two people split up for a justified reason (a mutual breakup), it can be easy for them to take time to reflect on what went wrong and why, or they may be upset and need extra time to reach a point of reflection. Whether it takes a month or a year, realizing what went wrong and seeing the breakup for what it is is a big first step in healing.
Getting back together successfully only happens if both people take the time to work on themselves to heal from the situation and apply what they’ve learned. Breaking up is always a life lesson, no matter how young or old you are. Going through something like a breakup changes a person, and if they are good, they’ll learn and grow from it; if they are bad, they’ll stay stagnant.
Pro tip: only go back to a partner that has grown from the situation. If the other person doesn’t take time to heal and work on themselves during the time apart, it’s really not worth it. But that doesn’t diminish your ability to heal and grow from situations that hurt you. If the other person didn’t take that time, then so what? All that matters is that you did, and you’ll be okay.
The Stigma
The stigma around exes getting back together comes largely from outside pressure from people who were close to you during the breakup, and, of course, society has something to say about it, too.
People tend to assume that a breakup between two people means it ended badly, when that’s not necessarily true in every case. When a couple starts, even just talking again after time apart, people from the outside jump to judgment so quickly. People who supported you after the breakup don’t want to watch you get hurt again, so they disapprove without hearing you out.
Society puts so much pressure on people who have just broken up with someone to break up, move on, and find someone better. “But that’s hard to do, so let’s just go back to familiarity where I’m comfortable,” according to social media like TikTok, users preach “never go back” or “you deserve better, ” which sounds empowering but could be just implanting propagandic messages in your head so you don’t go back to your ex.
That was satire, for real, social media just needs to mind their business when exes get back together and realize that sometimes all the blame doesn’t belong to just one person. God forbid two people just like each other, and where they’re at, I don’t know. The people near you, though, most of the time have valid reasons to be skeptical, as they just want to protect you, so try not to stress them out, unless they start stressing you out. Then you can stress them out.
Combining the Change and the Stigma
There’s something special about choosing to be with someone because it aligns with what you want. Ignore the stigma. If you want to get back with your ex, only to build a healthier, more mature connection, of course, then try it, only if you and the other person are ready, of course.
On Your Own Terms
Just be careful. For real. Do what you want, but forcing yourself into a dynamic you have healed and grown from just to get back into it and immediately reverse all that work makes no sense. Who knows, maybe you’ll heal so hard you’ll not even care about your ex. But if you aren’t ready or don’t think you’ll ever be ready to build something healthy, that is okay, and it takes strength to admit that, although it can be the sad truth if that is what you want but not what you need.
Choosing yourself and not reconciling until you’re actually ready is just as empowering as trying again when you’re not.
So, this article turned into a long rant about something that might not be that deep or important to everyone. Maybe it even comes across as a little naive to care this much. But my point is that relationships are messy, personal, and complicated. People grow and timing shifts. Whether reconciliation ends up being the right choice for people or not, it comes from a place of their own choices, not from outside pressure or fears that come with it.
If two people find their way together after putting in the work and time on themselves, that doesn’t make them weak. And I guess that’s the whole point of this article: to remind people that love and relationships don’t always follow a clear path, and choosing what’s right for you, even when others don’t understand, is the best decision to make for yourself.