Good Luck, Babe: Breakups and Valentines (WLW Edition)

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and this year I’m spending it alone, probably curled in the corner of my bed, crying into a tub of ice cream. I’m kidding (mostly). This time of year is really hard when you’re single, especially if you weren’t expecting to be this Valentine’s Day. 

The Aftermath 

To get straight to the point, breakups are sh*t.

There’s no dancing around it. If you’re in the same boat as me, you’ve been involved in breakups more than once, and more importantly, you’ve been in one recently. I don’t know what you consider ‘recent’ but my (ex)-girlfriend and I broke up 6 months ago. I think it’s important to say, I broke up with her. Which I know makes me seem like an ass, but I had a good reason, I promise. Regardless of what role you played in the breakup, it’s a horrible situation no matter what. And oftentimes, no matter how much time has passed, it still hurts a little when you think about it. I want to remind everyone reading that it’s ok to cry, scream and throw things at the wall. Allow yourself to feel all the things: sadness, anger, guilt, actual pure insanity, everything. Then breathe. Rest. Focus on yourself and eat loads of ice cream. 

WLW

You may have heard of the “First WLW Relationship Curse”. If you haven’t, let me educate you: in simplest terms, your first WLW relationship is doomed to fail no matter how good it may seem, and no matter how hard you try. Of course, this isn’t always true, but if social media has taught me anything, it’s more often than not. Yes, this was my first WLW relationship, so maybe I’m not the most qualified to give advice, but I understand firsthand the struggle of this curse. Dating is hard (and when you have a partner who can’t communicate very well, it’s even worse). Queer relationships are often a lot more complicated than heterosexual ones; with all the pressures of the world, stereotypes, homophobic or misunderstanding parents, AND regular relationship issues, sometimes it feels maybe it’s better to not date at all. Figuring out who’s actually queer and who is just being sweet is one of the biggest struggles. Don’t let this discourage you. Very few, very lucky people find someone immediately and date them forever. Life is all about change and people coming and going. Some are good and some are bad, but all will help you grow and discover who you are and what you like and want. 

Never Ever Getting Back Together

It’s as simple as that. DON’T. DO. IT. I promise you, it’s not worth it. Regardless of who ended the relationship, there’s a reason it ended. When you get that urge to text and reach out -because you will get it, trust me, I know- think about why and how the relationship ended. Talk to a friend first, and if they’re a good friend, they’ll probably snap you out of it. What’s worked for me is looking back at photos, now oftentimes that makes people sad and miss their ex even more, but for me, I would see photos and think about an argument we had that day, something that went wrong. The same applies to old text messages. There’s nothing wrong with some anger or sadness; reminiscing on what went wrong in the relationship reminds me why I shouldn’t reach out, and is actually a bit relieving at times. I cry and scream and send really long venting voice messages to my friend, and after it feels like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Whatever you do to cope and move on, just remember that reaching out or getting back together is almost never the right option. 

A Solo Celebration 

Valentine’s Day is a really ‘pushy’ holiday. Shades of pink and red, hearts, messages of love, everyone, shoved in our faces, and when you feel like you’re severely lacking love and all you want is to cry, Valentine’s is probably the worst holiday ever to you. This year I decided to focus on myself, I know, cheesy. But I deserve to feel the love and joy of this holiday even if I’m single. Love comes in so many forms; of course, romantic, but also platonic, familial, and self-love.

I plan on a nice, slow morning, walk down to the square, spend ridiculous amounts of money, and maybe treat myself to some flowers or a sweet treat. I’m also allowing myself to feel on Valentine’s too, wallowing if I need to, crying, watching some cute movies; But I’m a Cheerleader (1999) and The Half of It (2020), and probably complain to my best friend (who is in a happy relationship). I’ll end the night with some movies, read this cute queer romance book I’ve been loving (Dream On, Romana Riley by Ashley Herring Blake), do a face mask, and eat some chocolate. And now I’m telling you to do the same. Treat yourself, do something fun, hang out with some other single friends, take a nice bath, watch some movies, and cry if you need to. Valentine’s day doesn’t have to suck, as my mom always says, “It’s what YOU make of it”. 

Loving Yourself

Everyone always says, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea”, and maybe they’re right, but it’s probably best to focus on the only fish that matters right now: yourself. There’s no need to rush into anything new. It’s better to give yourself time to heal and recover before jumping into something new. Of course, I can’t tell you how to live your life, but meaningless relationships or even a full, real relationship isn’t the best choice right now. I know it’s lonely, like really, really lonely, sometimes, but it’ll get easier. It might take forever, but it’ll happen, focus on yourself, feel those feelings, reach out to your loved ones. Surround yourself with things and people you love. Make sure you focus on school, spend time on your hobbies, watch your favorite shows and movies, read books, go out with your friends (maybe no partners for the first few times if possible), and spend time with your family. Breakups are a part of life, a really sucky part, but a part anyway, and sometimes you just have to accept that as best you can. 

My Wallowing Playlist 

• “I’ll Believe in Anything” by Wolf Parade 
• “Somebody to Love” by Queen 
• “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan
• “not a lot, just forever” by Adrianne Lenker 
• “Lover, You Should’ve Come Over” by Jeff Buckley
• “We’ll Never Have Sex” by Leith Ross
• “Silver Springs- Live at Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank” by Fleetwood Mac
• ”Casual” by Chappell Roan 
• “Thérèse” by Maya Hawke

• love
• valentine's day
• WLW