Finding My Individuality

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on one of my New Year’s goals and trying to define what it means and whether I’m already succeeding. 

Be creative. 

But as I went along my week, I realized I didn’t really know what this meant. In a world surrounded by trends, constant inspiration and repetition, I found out just how hard it was to be original. This made me feel a little bit like an imposter. 

‘Am I doing this because I love it, or do I love the idea of it?’ I thought.

Lost in Translation 

Specifically, this stemmed from the idea of wearing a polka dot top, however I also felt it when I was debating whether to write this article. It feels like every idea has already been executed, every outfit has been witnessed, and every invention has been created. This is why it feels so hard to be creative, or in my case, even your own person. 

Do I write about “Love Story”? No, no, that’s already been done. What about spring trends? Nope, I saw a bunch of TikToks on that yesterday. What new conversation can I start that isn’t simply agreeing with or repeating someone else? What makes my words different?

I think I’ve felt this most when I went to college. I guess I just wanted to feel more comfortable, and that meant taking fewer risks. In high school, I never wore the same outfit twice, mismatched patterns, wore heels to school, did the fall musical each year, and could usually be found in the art room. However, after becoming used to San Marcos, I realized I stopped picking my outfits the night before, vlogging my days, painting on the weekends or even singing. 

Wake-up Call

This whole realization came to light after visiting home this spring break. Every time I step back into my old room, I immediately feel a weight off my shoulders. While the space in my apartment is sleek, organized, filled with vintage knicknacks and color coordinated, my old room could house Fancy Nancy. I have books in every corner I can fit them, old musical posters, my artwork lining the walls, pictures on every free space and hand-painted doors. 

It reminds me of a time in my life when the only thing  I really wanted to be was myself. 

When I’m here, I sing along with music, have more inspiration to write, crave journaling, and try on old dresses. 

Maybe I feel this way because I didn’t necessarily change who I was or what I liked; I just became busy with other parts of my life and neglected the curious, exploratory part of me. Being creative felt like a chore or something to cross off my to-do list. I suppose this changed how I perceived individuality as a whole. When I wasn’t myself or passionate about what I was doing, I felt awkward and fake trying to get back into that routine. 

Turning the Page 

This article challenged me to reflect on the things that made me feel so inconsistent with my personality when I truly thought they were self-expression or creativity. In reality, they were what I thought I needed to be or do, not who I was. 

This goes back to the black-and-white polka-dot top. I’ve always liked that pattern, but I noticed I gravitated more towards it because of its popularity. It suddenly became something I looked for when I was out or at the thrift store. Instead of trying to find pieces I genuinely gravitated towards, I wanted something I knew was popular. I didn’t want to take a risk, so instead of creating an outfit I loved, I was settling for merging my style with others’. 

This is how individuality disappears. 

It feels so hard to move past the rack of polka dot clothes because we’re so sure of the outfit in our head, the fact that we saw it on Instagram today or because it’s trending. However, creativity itself means taking risks. It’s having a bit of individuality with everything you do. Instead of focusing on what has never been done before, what do you bring to the existing conversation? 

That’s authenticity without pressure. 

That’s why I’ve been trying to make it a point this month to act without doubt.

 Some of my accomplishments have been: 

1. Writing this article (LOL) 
2. Moving my funky skirts to the front of my drawers 
3. Painting without an inspiration photo 
4. Limiting my social media time 
5. Finishing two books 
6. Creating a fun tune on the keyboard 
7. Journaling my thoughts more.

Overall, seeking things that represent who I am, who I’m becoming and who I want to be. And for now, that’s doing things that may feel motivated, making my thoughts physical, just creating to create, not for show, and cutting out the things that make me feel pressured to conform. And in a way, I think that in itself is true creativity. 

• goals
• individuality
• self-discovery
• spring