Have you ever felt so exhausted? Just so exhausted to the point that you want to fall down into your bed like a Disney princess?
Because recently, that’s how I feel at my job every single shift I work.
I’ve been working for the same company for nearly two years now, and it has never affected me this strongly before. It was a busy but stable job.
Now, the more shifts that pass, the more overlying stress I have in my life from it.
Of course, I’ve been making jokes about walking out and constantly complaining about how awful it is there, but it has never actually seemed like a real possibility to quit before.
Even though I know I would be relieved from an insane amount of stress and fatigue if I were to find somewhere else to work, why is it so hard for me to actually put this job behind me?
Is It A Workplace Dream?
I work in customer service, specifically in the food industry.
When I first got hired, I was nervous. One of the things I hated most (still do) is starting a new job: not knowing what to do, how to help, meeting an established crew. I disliked every part of it.
But this girl needed money.
So as I worked every weekend, mostly closing late nights, I learned little by little how the company worked: the expectations, the procedures, the management. I was figuring out my place, growing more and more confident in my work ethic.
It became something I knew how to do not just correctly, but well. I created relationships with my coworkers, earned a sufficient amount of money, and my work schedule never really got in the way of my outside life.
I couldn’t have been luckier to find a job in that way. Amazing!
Although now, going on nearly two years, I can sense a serious shift in my attitude toward work.
I’ve been finding myself more easily irritated, poorly motivated, and lacking consideration for the customers and rulebooks.
Possibly it’s the constant interactions with customers (who seem to be getting dumber and ruder the longer I work in customer service), or the late nights (the earliest I normally get out is 11:30 PM), or the inadequate pay-to-effort ratio that leaves me wondering if it’s all worth it.
But I’m 100% exhausted and thinly stretched out.
A Comfortable Skill?
So if I’m so tired and tested, why don’t I just quit?
Thus, the question that everyone asks me the second I mention any of this.
And to be honest, I ask myself the same thing every time I clock in. What’s stopping me?
It could just be the fact that many job positions aren’t available right now, so I’m lucky enough to have this one, or maybe it’s a different type of tie that keeps me roped to this company.
It’s been almost two years (if I have to repeat it again), and I feel I know my way around and over every element of this job. It’s gotten to the point that I know the rules so well that I know exactly how to break them too. I know the shortcuts, the hacks, and it gives me a chance to feel helpful.
So if I know how to do it so well and comfortably, why would I leave that behind?
I don’t simply want to throw away all these two years of knowledge.
It has me thinking that maybe the rope is built from a comfort zone. By sticking to something I know I’m capable of, I feel I have a sense of control, even a higher self-esteem.
What would happen if I’m not as good at a new job? If I end up regretting quitting?
No one knows.
Therefore, I continue to hide from the unknown in a place where I’m employed. Desperate and tired, but at least employed.
Is It Really A Possibility?
With an insane change of management, losing and rehiring crew members, drama with complaints and work relationships recently, for the first time, I am seriously considering job searching.
Although I haven’t necessarily scrolled through Indeed or even looked to see who was hiring, the idea really did seem like a possibility for once.
I’m starting to think that maybe this chapter is time to be closed; maybe there’s more out there to do, or to learn. Even though I know it’s comfortable, the stress and exhaustion is yelling at me to open a job application.
Maybe I will, maybe I’m still thinking about it, maybe I’m still trying to believe that finding a new job is possible.
Either way, I still have work tonight.