Welcome back to Ask Her, your go-to advice column for all things college life, friendships, relationships, and everything in between. Whether you’re dealing with an overstepping roommate, mixed signals from a love interest, or just need some solid girl-to-girl advice, we’ve got you covered.
This week, we’re diving into some messy (and oh-so-relatable) situations: how to set boundaries when your roommate assumes you’re their personal maid, navigating a friendship that’s turning into a confusing situationship, and more. No topic is off-limits, so if you’ve got a burning question, you know where to send it.
Let’s get into it!
XO,
The Ask Her Team
How do you deal with roommates where you guys all signed on as friends, but now there’s a huge divide and basically, there are sides now.
Hey, roommate issues are the WORST. It’s awful to feel like you’re not welcome in your own home. I think the best thing to do in that situation is to have a group meeting. You can not walk around on eggshells with your roommates and have the air feel tense. It’s best to put it all out there so that y’all can move past it. Having a conversation initially is always the best option; you never know where the miscommunication might have been or what the other person is feeling. A simple coffee date where you try to see the other person’s side can do wonders. In the end, if you can’t seem to move past this understanding and you’ve tried to communicate, at least you know that you’ve done your best to resolve this. If they don’t want to move past it, I would say pretend everything is normal and don’t entertain the drama (speaking from experience).
Wishing you luck!
XO,
Elise & Cara!
F21, needing roommate advice!!! She believes that I’m the “chore girl” and expects me to clean everything, even though I never gave any indication that I like cleaning after her! How do I get out of this problem without sounding rude?
Dear Roommate Hater,
We completely understand where you are coming from. There are two ways to go about it. One way is to stop doing the chores completely; maybe they will catch the hint. But if you don’t want to live in a pigsty for a little bit, have a serious conversation with her. Establishing a cleaning schedule or a rule about cleaning up after yourselves right away could lead to a change in habits. Yet, if all fails and the roommate doesn’t catch on, just do your own chores around the apartment. They will eventually learn the hard way that you won’t do them anymore.
Wishing you the best and cleanest apartment,
Lilianna & Piscis!
19 y/o, female, homoerotic friendship .. ok so let me explain. This girl and I started as friends and we are both openly out lesbians. I always thought she was attractive, but I kept it as a friend in the beginning. Then, we started to explore the idea of the talking stage and literally THREE DAYS IN.. she went back on her word and said she wasn’t ready after ghosting me for a couple of days. Which I mean is fine, like, I’d rather her be honest then just leave me hanging completely, but… dude, are you fr?? THEN she’ll text me saying stuff like she misses me and she’s thinking of me… WHAT??? How should I handle this? Cut her off or talk to her about it? Oh, and also, she has stood me up multiple times!!
Dear Last Lovergirl at TXST,
You never deserve to be treated like this! It’s not okay for someone to lead you on, let alone someone you thought was a friend. She’s giving you so many mixed signals that it seems not worth it. Ghosting, for me, is always unacceptable behavior, so you lost me right there. However, she might have internal fears she must handle before being in a relationship. I need closure, so I’d personally talk to her and get what you are feeling out there, explain that you can’t talk to her anymore, and cut it off there. But if you really value her as a friend and want to keep her around, SET BOUNDARIES. Make your stance on the relationship clear, and if she breaks those lines, you know it’s time to let go. You need to be selfish with your feelings sometimes. Everyone deserves to have respect in any relationship, and she is not respecting you!
Good luck, and keep us updated.
Nina & Zoie!