What do you think is the best way to determine who your real friends are? Do you have any tips on maintaining long-distance friendships when you’re extremely busy?
Dear Reica,
We’ve all been there before, wondering whether or not our childhood friendships will last as we grow into adults, as well as having to navigate the world of adult friendships. It’s hard!
Taking a step back to really look at your relationships and whether or not you’re happy in them is a great first step to determining your real friends. A genuine friend is someone you can rely on and don’t feel shamed by. That being said, effort goes both ways in a relationship. If you cannot hold yourself to these standards, how can you expect others to meet them?
Having long-distance friends is hell on Earth – that everyone experiences at one point or another. Yet, learning to overcome the struggle with one will make your life easier.
One of the first steps you should take when trying to have a long-distance friendship is reevaluating your expectations. You can’t call each other at the drop of a hat when you’re in different time zones. Try swapping y’all’s weekly schedules to find the perfect time to set up a phone call, as well as prioritizing the quality of your time spent together over the quantity of it. You can see someone twice a week, every week, and know nothing about them, but long-distance friends must make the most of their twice-a-year hangouts. Try to send little text messages to remind them that they are on your mind. Once again, shared effort is the key to making this work. Like the saying goes, “The phone works both ways.”
Love,
Leo & Lilianna <3
How do you make friends without having to change yourself?
We think one of the most important things you should consider before even determining if friends are changing your relationship or initially wanting to begin a friendship are the things you value most. It’s easy to go into a friendship blinded when you’re new to an environment and curious and hopeful. However, by not speaking up or feeling comfortable around people who are supposed to lift you up and bring you joy then, you set yourself up for a detrimental friendship break in the future. We suggest finding yourself before finding your friends. When you know who you are, you’re less vulnerable to the influence of others. When people present ideas different from yours, that doesn’t mean your ideas aren’t worth mentioning. Real friendships form when you are your most authentic self, especially because you don’t have to uphold an image of someone you’re not. In order to find the people who will accept the real you, we recommend finding the environments of like-minded people. Join organizations and communities that share your interests, goals, and more. These will help you not only grow as an individual, but also find true friends.
We wish you the best of luck, and always remember your worth!
Your girls,
Lily & Elise!
How can you know when a friendship is toxic?
Hi love, honestly if you’re asking it, there’s probably already something in your gut telling you that’s something’s not right. Friendships are supposed to feel safe and supportive, not like a full-time job or a constant emotional rollercoaster. If you walk away from every convo feeling drained, anxious, or low-key questioning your worth… that’s not a great sign.
A toxic friendship isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes it’s the little things — like them never showing up for you, brushing off your boundaries, making passive aggressive comments, or only reaching out when they need something. If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or continuously trying to keep the peace, that’s not a friendship.
At the end of the day, your circle should feel like a warm hug, not something you have to recover from. You deserve friends who hype you up, support your growth, and make you feel good about yourself. Don’t ignore the little voice in your head. It’s probably trying to protect you.
Peace & love,
Keyla & Nina