This week, we have a wide variety of answers from our writers dealing with handling the emotions of ICE detaining loved ones, men (ofc), and friendship!
“How can families cope emotionally and practically when a loved one is detained by ICE, and what strategies help maintain calm during moments of uncertainty?”
As someone who has been in a similar situation recently, it is not easy, but it’s also not impossible to go through. My first tip would be to let out all the emotions because the truth is, this time is very emotionally painful. It will get rough if all feelings are turned away and buried. Be with the loved ones around you and release emotions together. Acknowledge that you have each other for support. Times like these are very unpredictable; it is also very important to keep your mind at peace. Strength and hope are two of the biggest pillars I held onto, and I encourage you to do the same. Remember your family’s strengths, heritage, and love.
-Cassandra Patlan, HC Contributor
“Why am I more attracted to a man that does not care about me, but as soon as a man gives me attention, I’m running away?”
I mean to put it simply; everyone loves an uphill battle. This is so common for single people, but the fact that you’re noticing it already says a lot about your self-awareness. Here’s what I think: when someone doesn’t care much, your brain goes into chase mode. Sporadic attention actually triggers dopamine, which is the same reward system involved in gambling. You’re not necessarily attracted to him; you’re attracted to the feeling of trying to “win.” And when someone gives you steady attention? There’s no chase. No tension. It can all feel really…. well, flat. Sometimes when someone really likes you, their intensity can feel overwhelming especially if you’re used to earning affection instead of receiving it freely, someone liking you without resistance can feel suspicious or even boring. When someone’s hot and cold, it triggers anxiety along with its symptoms of obsessive thinking and heightened emotional stakes, which is when your nervous system’s natural response gets confused for chemistry. Let me ask you something important: when a guy shows real interest, what’s your first thought? Is it “he doesn’t really know me though,” “I’m going to lose interest,” or maybe something more subtle like “I actually see something here but…” and you fill in the blank with a reason to run? That “but” is usually where the fear lives, and sometimes when that small voice says, “Maybe I do like this guy,” the bravest thing you can do is not shut it down. Let yourself feel it out. Safe love can feel unfamiliar at first, but unfamiliar doesn’t mean wrong. Whatever thought happens to pop into your head at the sight of real attention, your first instinct usually points to the root of it all. The fact that you run when someone gives you attention doesn’t mean you don’t want love; it just might mean you’re not used to safe love. But don’t fret, take a breath, and give yourself the chance at love you deserve.
-Daniela Urrutia, HC Contributor
“I feel like the people around me take my kindness for granted, how should I address wanting to feel more appreciated for all that I do for my friends?”
The most important thing to remember is that your kindness is your choice. If you feel under-appreciated doing things for others, I would suggest taking a step back and considering if you need to be doing these things for someone who doesn’t do the same for you. Sometimes it can feel like an obligation to do certain things for those around you, and I totally understand that. But remember to ask yourself, is it helping or hurting you? Do you, girl!
-Grace Neves, HC Contributor
“I think my roommate has a crush on my bf, how should I handle it without coming off as crazy?”
Before confronting anyone, try to make sure it’s a pattern you have noticed and not just a one-off gut feeling. You’re not crazy for noticing shifts in behavior, and you’re completely valid for wanting boundaries. I’d start by talking to your boyfriend first and seeing if he’s noticed anything too, then decide if a conversation with your roommate is worth having. A simple conversation can go a long way, even though it’s scary when you think of all the ways it could go. And while I always trust a woman’s intuition, clear communication usually saves way more stress than silent overthinking. But, in full transparency, I understand your frustration, but you got this.
-Victoria Sanchez, HC Contributor