I had a heart-to-heart with my mom about the things that shape a woman’s life – love, marriage, kids – and the lessons she wishes she had known when she was my age. From timing to trust, she shared the advice she hopes every college girl hears. Her words weren’t just advice; they were a reminder that life doesn’t have to be rushed, and that some of the best things come when you’re truly ready for them.
“Who Are You?”
When I asked her to introduce herself, my mom’s face lit up with a smile.
“Hey, my name is Iliana Martinez. I was born in El Paso, but I was raised in Juarez, Chihuahua, Mexico. Today, I’m turning 48 years old, and I am a mother of twins.”
It was a simple introduction, but the layers behind her words carried a lifetime of experiences – ones that shaped the advice she was about to give me.
On Love And Relationships
I was curious about how my mom first knew she was truly in love. Her answer was a glimpse into the past, filled with youthful innocence and heart-fluttering excitement. “I thought I was floating on air,” she said with a nostalgic smile. “I had previous relationships, but the first time I really fell in love, I was almost 19. It felt different – magical.”
But if she could go back and give her younger self some advice, it would be to enjoy every moment. “You have to enjoy every moment like it’s your last day,” she said. “Don’t get caught up in the small things. Just focus on having fun and making memories.”
The best piece of advice she received about love came from her own mother before she passed away:
“Live every moment and day like it’s your last.”
I asked her if she believed in soulmates or thought love was more about timing and effort. Her answer surprised me: “I do believe in soulmates. My twin daughters are my soulmates.”
At that moment, I realized that love is not always about romance. It’s about deep connections, ones that last a lifetime.
On Marriage And Commitment
My mom has been married for almost 24 years. She got married at 24, an age she feels was just right.
“I didn’t feel pressured to get married,” she said. “I was having a good time, enjoying life, focusing on my goals. But a lot of people did ask why I wasn’t married yet. I ignored them and kept living my life. I was getting my associate’s degree, working full-time, and traveling. I did everything I wanted before settling down.”
Her perspective on marriage was shaped by her experiences. The secret to keeping love and commitment strong, she said, is to be flexible and understanding.
“Sometimes you have to be lenient with the situation to have peace between you.”
But the biggest piece of advice she gave was about money. “The major problem in marriage is money. When each person has separate bank accounts, that’s when problems start. Everything should be together.”
Looking back, she believes there’s a right time for marriage:
“After you accomplish what you wanted to do in life.”
On Motherhood And Raising Kids
My mom had me and my twin sister at 29, but motherhood wasn’t something she always planned. “I was already married for five years, and doctors told me I couldn’t have children,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking about it, but then, suddenly, I got pregnant with twins. I think my mom, who passed away a year before, sent me two angels.”
She admits motherhood was challenging, especially with twins and no one to rely on except my dad. “It was hard, but it taught me to be a friend to my daughters more than just a mom. I wanted you both to trust me, to come to me with anything.”
If she could go back, she wouldn’t change a thing. “I don’t regret anything,” she said. “Because of you two, I was able to open my own business and be there for every moment. You were never in daycare. We did everything as a family.”
The biggest lesson motherhood taught her? “To be strong,” she said. “To take care of myself, so I can be here longer for you. And to work as a team with your dad.”
Her hopes for me as I grow into adulthood are simple but powerful: “Work hard, be humble, treat everyone equally, and have faith.”
On Life, Timing, And Trusting The Process
My mom’s life hasn’t been easy. She lost her mother when she was just 27, was told she couldn’t have kids, had a major surgery when I was five, and recently became an empty nester when my sister and I went off to college. Through all these challenges, she learned to trust the timing of life.
“Everything happens for a reason, and everything is already written. You just have to trust the process.”
Her advice on patience and timing hit me hard:
“You can’t control everything,” she said. “You have to let go sometimes. When my mom passed away, I didn’t think I could live without her. But I did. When doctors told me I couldn’t have kids, I accepted it. And then you two showed up.”
She also shared the moments she had to let go and trust the process:
- When her mom passed away.
- When she was told she couldn’t have children.
- When she faced a seven-hour surgery, and was unsure of her future.
- When my sister and I graduated and left home.
These were the hardest moments of her life, but they made her stronger.
“Life will test you, but you will come out stronger. Everything happens in its own time.”
To Every College Girl: A Mother’s Advice
As our conversation came to an end, I asked my mom what she would say to every college girl reading this – those who are just starting their careers, figuring out love, and navigating life’s uncertainties. Her message was clear:
“You can do whatever you want. Believe in yourself, trust in yourself, and don’t rush into anything – especially motherhood. Enjoy your life, chase your dreams, and don’t let anyone stop you. And most importantly, don’t get pregnant before you’re ready.”
She laughed at that last part, but I knew she meant it with all her heart.
My mom’s words stayed with me long after our conversation ended. She taught me that timing is everything and that there’s no need to rush. Sometimes, the best things in life are worth the wait.And that’s exactly what I hope every college girl takes away from this story: Wait your turn.