I’ve seen TikToks and YouTube videos out of the wazoo trying to explain what people’s hair color(s) say about them at their current stage in life, but I have yet to see an accurate one.
Now, I’m not saying this will be an accurate one. However, I, as a phase-prone human being, have gone through a slew of hair colors that have ranged from navy blue to dual-toned blonde and black. I’ve done it all (almost).
I’ll begin by saying this: I am in no way trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. I don’t want anyone to read this and get upset—that is the furthest thing from my goal here. I just want to have some fun and make some bold assumptions about people based on internet conjecture! With that being said, let’s get started.
There is a range of browns to choose from, from an ashy, cool-toned brown to a deep mahogany, and there are so many options. My natural hair color is brown, and it’s a great option, especially if you’re a low-maintenance person. Brown is studious and simple, but elegant and powerful at the same time.
If your natural hair color is brown, you’re probably easy-going and super chill. You don’t want to deal with monthly hair appointments to touch up a color, you don’t want to damage your hair, or you just simply don’t care for any other color. And for that, I commend you, queen!
If you’ve dyed your hair brown at all, you are probably looking for more stability in your life and a bit more grounding. Brown is a wonderful neutral color, the color of bark and soil and wood and nature, so it’s well-suited to those who want to find their footing in this massive world.
So, same as with brown hair, there’s a variety of different shades of blonde to toy around with. In this instance, however, we are going to exclude any platinum or grey babes and talk about them at a later time. This is exclusively for the blondes, of whom are supposed to have more fun.
If your hair is blonde naturally, I’m jealous of you, but I also feel bad for you. Yes, naturally blonde hair is beautiful and looks ethereal, however, I have known a few natural blondes in my day and I know the struggle of dying your hair. If you mess with naturally blonde hair and dye it any color, it’s a pain in the ass to get back to blonde. So, my natural blondies, and you are usually very fun people and you know how to care for your hair, whether you want to or not. You are a vivacious bunch and nothing will quench your thirst for adventure quite like spontaneous decisions.
If your hair is bleached or dyed blonde (yes, there is a difference, if you didn’t know), you are one of two people. Either you started with darker hair and wanted to try blonde, or you are on the road to going with some crazy color (as I was when my hair was blonde). Blonde is either great on you, or so not your shade. You can only know if you try…or if you buy a wig. Either way works!
If you have a balayage, you’re boujee as f***, respectfully. You’re hot shit, and you know it. You don’t even pretend that you don’t know it because what is the point? Everyone else knows it, too. You probably spent way too much on your hair, but that’s okay because, with how you feel and the compliments you get, it was worth it. You love telling people you got a balayage and you recommend it to literally everyone you meet.
Also, you’re the best hype-man around, and I mean that in the best way ever. You love hyping other people around you up because often, you don’t even need hyping yourself. You love to share the love and make sure all of your friends and loved ones know they are special and important.
Once again, we run into the issue of natural versus dyed. If you dyed your hair black, we get it. You’re quirky. I had my hair dyed black for the better part of two years and I definitely thought I was hot shit with my stark black hair, even if you could see my lighter brown roots. You are the definition of sleek and powerful; you exude confidence even if you don’t feel it. You probably have some trivial obsession or collection that occupies your time and thoughts even when you have a negative number in your bank account or you have a million other things you should be thinking about instead. In conclusion, you are fun and strong and
If you have natural black hair, I envy you. Natural black hair is so beautiful, especially if it’s naturally curly. Bleaching it is probably a nightmare and a half, though, so I’m sorry for that. You probably have a lot of maintenance to keep it healthy and beautiful, but your hair deserves it. You are a beautiful human, and I love you for that.
Dark Red/Purple/Pink Hair
Now, this is a personal favorite of mine. Currently, I have dual-toned hair, purple on the top and red on the hair underneath. I love this hair and I get tons of compliments. People with these colors in their hair are so fucking cool; trust me, I know. You are probably a bit edgy and you like people knowing it, even when you aren’t all dressed up in your favorite garb. You like people assuming you are indie or alternative and you probably dyed it yourself (at least at some point in your life). Also, I’m going to guess you probably take pride in your music collection, whether that is specifically cultivated playlists or a stack of CDs and/or vinyls. You’re cool and you want other people to know it.
Bright Red/Orange/Yellow Hair
You are one bold-ass bitch. You love to make yourself known and to show off your personality however you can with your appearances. You probably have a number of piercings and I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a couple (or a hundred) tattoos. Your hair is probably dead, but you don’t care because it looks awesome. You can rock any hairstyle at any time and everyone would still think your hair looks amazing.
Now, you are some of the sweetest people ever. Although people have probably teased you in the past for being a redhead, you rock it and you know it. They’re just jealous. You are hot and your hair is beautiful and unique. There is a range of people under this category, but most redheads that I know are genuinely nice people. You have a great laugh–this is weirdly specific, but it stands true for most people I know.
You are definitely either super pretentious or a skater/goth. You also probably have fried your hair to a crisp, but that’s alright because at least your hair looks cool. You have to touch it up constantly, but it’s worth it since everyone tells you how much they love your hair everywhere you go. You have to keep it mostly styled since otherwise, it is a poofy mess of bright color. You either have a collection of beanies or you wear heels way too much. Bestie, we get it, heels are gorgeous, but you’re going to have back problems for the rest of your life. Enjoy this hair while it lasts, because soon that vibrant color will fade into an odd color that you didn’t sign up for.
Either you are going grey (which is a common problem, I’m doomed to go grey very early on in my life) or you look amazing with lighter hair. I have wanted to go platinum for so long, but oh my gosh, it takes so much work. More power to you. You definitely have the silver shampoo, which is probably very expensive, and you definitely care about your hair more than any other part of your routine.
You’re very kind and you are probably really powerful–you know what you want and you will do anything in your power to get it. Go for it, boss girl.
Any other color (including dual-tones, rainbow, etc)
Sick. You’re fun and flirty and you also spend entirely too much time on hair maintenance. I don’t have much else to say, since this is such a broad category, but have a look at the other categories to mesh together your stylistic assumption.
Honorable mention: buzzed hair with designs
Dude. You’re so f-ing cool. You are who I wish I could be. Every single day I curse my hair and wish that I could pull off a sick buzz cut, but here I am with hair to my shoulders. If you have a buzz, I envy you. However, if you have a buzz and you have designs dyed into the hair you have left… holy crap, be my spouse. I love you already.
hair is very fun. It can do so many things and it is so versatile. I love how easily people can manipulate it to show off different aspects of their personality. I hope you enjoyed this little hair review, it was quite fun to organize. If you have any grievances…sorry bestie! Have a wonderful day, though.