Well ladies and gentlemen, it has been four days since valentines day and it is safe to say that the holiday here in New Orleans has come and gone with little to no stir. This invented-by-capitalism holiday gets no attention as it falls right during parade season for #NOLA — And that’s probably a good thing because let’s face it; the only people who like Valentine’s day are those who are A) in a relationship or B) profiting from chocolate bought and flowers sold.
But something has been plaguing me. Why does it seem that romance has changed so drastically from earlier decades?
My answer? People through casual hookup culture have changed the standard for romance without removing the stigma for casual sex.
Now, before I go into why I think this, its probably important I establish that no, I am not wiring this because I am bitter and single, I am wiring this because I am a hopeless romantic who hears stories from the past and thinks about what sort of societal change has occurred for it to be acceptable to make an instagram/facebook post instead of wiring love letters and for texts that say “I luv u” to fill in for saying it for the first time in person and whether this change signifies anything socially for our society.
I think that as time has progressed the idea of romance has shifted. It has become less about courting and more about getting laid (which I should note is totally fine, you live your sexually free life). And because of this shift from courting with an ultimate goal of marriage to instant gratification of a one night stand, the traditional 1950’s romance has all but left casual relationships in young people today.
Now, is this all bad? Not at all! Causality with sex (while still being safe) is what the 21st century commands as many gender theorists think that sexual freedom is the key to end feminine oppression. Granted, not everyone is okay with casual sex which is also totally valid — its your body do with it what you will — acceptable causality in physical relationships just permits women and men to do this.
That being said, there still is a stigma surrounding women who act in causal physical relationships more than there is for men. Why is this especially when men are expecting causal affairs now? Well, the patriarchy uses demeaning terms for women who have sex a lot, or more than average, to “keep them in place” as sexual freedom is often a masculine action and is a part of the construction of the masculine male – so if a woman steals that, it’s almost as if she is stealing masculine power, which is exactly what the patriarchy doesn’t want women to have.
So, this is what I propose you do this Mardi Gras week: Why not try and observe the system and how it works within interpersonal relationships, even casual ones. Also, observe how causality interacts between both genders!
The standard for romance has changed as causality and sexual freedom for women has also progressed but within society today, until the system is changed, causal romance won’t be romantic with the stigmas attached. #Downwithsexshaming