Snowdin provides the oh-so-manly insight, and Summer Lovin gives it a feminine spin. Check out their advice on this week’s questions!
Someone likes you, but you don’t feel the same way. How do you let them down easy?
Snowdin: It’s never easy. Or at least it shouldn’t be if you have any inkling of caring towards said person. It’s important to be honest with them, but the key is to make sure they understand it’s not that they’re not worth dating or being with, it’s that the two of you aren’t a good fit and you don’t feel the same way they do. People are sensitive, especially if they’ve taken the risk to let you know how they feel, so you have to be honest about how you feel while letting them know that they’re still a cool person and wouldn’t be happy with you anyway because you’re not the right person.
Summer Lovin: (I am going guess that you still want some type of friendly relationship with this person once you let them know that it won’t progress towards a romantic relationship.)
Honesty is the best policy. Don’t make excuses, be honest with yourself and with the other person. That being said, you shouldn’t be rude. You can say what you want to in a kind way. Make it as neutral as possible, because placing blame never resolves anything. Sit them down and just explain to them that you don’t feel they way they feel, the time isn’t right for you, or whatever the reason may be- you need to just say it and leave it at that.
How do you react to creepy professors?
Snowdin: I’ve never had any creepy professors, but most likely you’re just overreacting or dealing with a professor who’s own definitions of interacting with students may be different than yours. Don’t forget that professors, especially at Tufts, come from a wide-ranging background of cultures, societies, and generations. If there actually is something going on that shouldn’t be or you’re incredibly uncomfortable then talk to your Dean and raise your concerns.
Summer Lovin: I can’t speak on this from personal experience, but I think that this would have to be extremely uncomfortable. I would say that you should first make sure that you’re not just freaking out about it, find out if other people notice it, experience it, etc. If you find that you feel 100% sure that they are stepping out of line, then you need to either confront them, or speak with someone who you feel comfortable speaking with and who can let the professor know about your concern/ scare them a little bit- if you’re that uncomfortable in the situation. It’s difficult to handle because they are older and in a position of power and as students we are systematically not on the same “level” as they are, but that doesn’t mean that they can be creepy and get away with it though.
Can you date an ex’s friend?
Snowdin: If his name is Snowdin and you’re cute, then yes. I think, as in all cases, it depends on the situation. General, overarching rules and statements are never the correct answer. I’ve personally dated an ex-girlfriend’s friend and it wasn’t weird at all. At the same time, however, a friend dated an ex-girlfriend of mine and that caused some issues. It all depends on what the relationship currently is with the ex, what the relationship is like among all three of you, and how well you can interact. It has to be worth it. There are plenty of people out there, so poaching your ex’s friends might not be the best option for future.
Summer Lovin: I’m going to say no. It’s going to be awkward between you and your ex, and you and your ex’s other friend. Don’t do it- expand your circle and find someone new.
Got a question for Snowdin & Summer Lovin? Leave it anonymously in the comments and they’ll answer them next week!